Elizabeth Drakes's Site

Fantasy Romance

writer

Writing: Why Vacations Are No Longer “Catch-Up Time”

by

We just recently got back from vacation. Once upon a time, a vacation from work was a relaxing time, a time I could catch up on my writing, maybe even get a little bit ahead. We’d have things planned, of course, and spontaneous things would come up, but there always seemed to be plenty of time to get in a few thousand more words.

Then we had kids.

familyvacation
And I have to people. *shudders*

 

I had thought the four day weekend we had for the Fourth of July or the week of vacation we took would give me some time to work on my writing and maybe do a few other things like update my mailing list. We had quite a bit of time after all. Sure, we had things planned, like a small cook-out with close family and a larger graduation party for my niece. I already had the food planned, and I had selected tasty things with minimal prep. The gift was already purchased. And yes, we were taking the kids to a water park. Wait, what do you mean my expectations weren’t realistic?

But I hadn’t figured that one or the other of my children would want to snuggle the entire vacation. And by snuggle, I mean never leave my side. Even in ninety degree weather.

parentspersonalspace
Can we be any closer, momma?

While this is a gift, and I like snuggling them, by day two, I am getting a bit annoyed. Snuggling literally means they sit on me. Both of them. At the same time. While still cute, they are a lot bigger and heavier than they were. And they squirm. And wriggle. And try to steal more real estate on my lap from each other until they both get tossed off.

And there comes a point where I simply want my space back.

And writing does not happen when there is snuggling. Most of the time, writing doesn’t happen when they are awake and in the house. My oldest one is an avid reader, and despite her age, she can and will read over my shoulder as I am typing. Yeah, not cool, especially if I am “in the zone” and don’t see her right away as I don’t write “closed door” romance.

Reading doesn’t usually happen, either. I don’t read “closed door” romance, either.

MomVacationReading

While I wouldn’t trade these days for the world, I do need to adjust my expectations.

Vacation doesn’t mean what it used to, and if I still want time to write every day, I am going to have to get up at 5am like it’s a work day.

Not that I want to get up at 5am. If left to my own devices, I wouldn’t go to bed until well after midnight then sleep in every morning. But that hasn’t been my life since college. The one and only time my natural sleep cycle meshed with my obligations.

I wish I were a morning person.

Tired of Feeling Bad for Being a Working Mom

by

Can you tell I am trying to figure out summer care, dance class schedules, and school transportation?

There are plenty of articles out there answering why people are choosing to not have children at all or are having far fewer than they would like.

I did choose to have them even with several of these misgivings, and I am tired of feeling bad for doing so while being a working mom.

I am also tired of a society designed around having one parent that stays at home if you do have children.

WorkingMom.png
Yeah, those free Tuesday morning dance camp e-mails always get a scowl.

Don’t believe that the system isn’t designed for working parents? I know, it can be hard to believe that in 2019 the school system can still think it’s 1953, so here are some of my challenges.

My daughter is in school for a total of seven hours a day. That includes her lunchtime and recess.

Seven.

I have to work eight for it to be a full day, and my lunchtime is not considered part of my workday. That means even with my relatively short 20 minute commute, I am almost three hours short on the amount of time she’s in school versus the amount of time I am at work or traveling to and from work.

So, I pay for “wrap-around” care. On top of daycare for my youngest, and my youngest’s daycare costs us the equivalent of having a second mortgage payment each month.

did-you-sign-me-up-for-daycare-yes-what-did-35755895.png
College in my state is cheaper.

And the article linked above wonders why people think daycare is too expensive.

Of course, you could stay home. Always an option. But as many other articles have noted, you’re paying a premium for that both in terms of total lifetime earnings, but also in terms of promotion and advancement opportunities. Being “mommy tracked” in my industry is a career-limiting-move.

And, frankly, I love my kids. I would do almost anything for them, but I suck at dealing with kids. I have no training in it, and even now, I regularly feel sorry for my kids that they got stuck with me instead of someone that has a clue how to raise them.

Do you know how many parenting books I read?

books-768426_640

Do you know how many were helpful?

Yeah, none. Because as I learned, kids don’t follow manuals.

They eventually outgrow daycare, so you’re “just” paying for the wrap-around care. Then there’s the extracurricular activities. Back when I was a kid, these were truly “extra”. Now, the amount of pressure to have your kid in everything is amazing.

What do you mean your child isn’t in soccer, ballet, basketball, volleyball, and taking piano lessons?!? What kind of parent are you?

One that works.

All of these extra-curricular activities require transportation to and from them (not to mention the additional cost). Because of course I can leave work at 3pm to fetch my daughter and have her to dance class before 4pm. /end sarcasm.

And I am not alone. In families with both parents still living together, almost 50% are dual income households.

And driving their kids places is a significant stressor.

I need a self-driving car just to cart my daughter to and from her activities. Which, I limited her to two because I truly believe kids need time to play and engage their imagination.

There’s that writer in me.

I thought I was doing a quick upgrade. Until it destroyed 2 years of work.

by

As you may have noticed over the weekend, my website was under construction. You may have also noticed that there are no discernible changes this week. At least I didn’t lose everything. Which at one point, I thought I had.

frustratedcomputer
Actual footage of a writer working on a website.

 

How’d I get to the point of making up new curse words about a WordPress theme?

It started with me reading up about how to make an author website look more professional. I learned there are a variety of “author themes” you’re supposed to be able buy, load into WordPress, and they make the site look better while being easy to use.

Stop laughing.

I then read a well-respected website that had video tutorials to show you how to upgrade your website in 30 minutes.

Seriously, stop laughing.

I set aside two hours for the process, thinking it would take a normal person twice as long as promised, so I’d need to double that.

After five hours of work, I shelved it. When I couldn’t figure out how to get the blog page set-up, I knew it was time. I was lucky that switching back to the original theme brought back all of my blog posts.

Seriously, for about an hour or so, I thought I’d lost the whole blog.

Every single aspect of the web page these was a fight. None of it was intuitive.

When the video failed me, I downloaded the user manual and tried to read that.

Yeah.

If you’ve ever read a user manual, you’ll know they were written in Chinese and translated into English by people who speak Swahili.

instructionmanual
It basically reads like this to me.

So much for ideal for the novice user.

Another day when I wish would’ve studied computers instead of finance.

I’ve sunk too much money into this theme to give up without a fight. My game plan now is to pick one thing to add to the in-progress website, focus on that, then start another.

I also need to see if these new themes are compatible with some of the other things I did to the blog, like creating a mailing list. Which you can totally sign up for! (hint, hint)

Please bear with me. I think it’ll all be worth it when I’m done, but in the meantime, if you stop by and the site looks wonky, you’ll know why!

 

How about you? Any project you took on that you thought you’d budgeted plenty of time for, only to learn you were woefully wrong?

Burned Out

by

I am burned out.

candles

I have been burning the candle at both ends, and as so many have said before, you can’t do that forever.

I’m a mom, corporate employee, spouse, writer, and person who exercises.

I just can’t be all of it the way I want all the time, and I’m paying the price.

 

w1
And here I gave up coffee…

I am no longer finding joy in writing.

I’m finding less happiness in blogging.

All of the branding and social media is exhausting. A more extroverted person might not find it so, but that’s not me. Few writers seem to be natural extroverts, though they do exist, and this whole use of personality to connect with readers is starting to seem spurious at best.

So, I unplugged. I took several days off of all social media, and no one missed me. Makes me think social media is a lot less social than its name implies.

workagain

I haven’t exercised in over a week.

Rather than feeling tired and run down, I’m actually feeling better. Maybe the break was needed.

I haven’t written in 5 days. Not even over the weekend. It felt good.

No guilt at sneaking in a few words while the kids were playing or while I was doing housework. No race to the computer once the kids were in bed.

I don’t know what this means for me long term. Perhaps it’s the wake-up call I need to get my priorities straight and realize I can’t do everything I want and need to do.

images (1)

I’ve spent the last 2.5 years working on my writing. The last 1.5 years adding a blog and other social branding to the mix. I have yet to publish a book. I don’t even have an agent.

A growing part of me says to self-publish and be done. Put the work I’ve already done out there and walk away. But I can’t do that without feeling disingenuous.

If my self-published work fails, which it most likely will, I won’t know how it could have done if I pushed forward and kept up the branding. If I had a back list. Or if I’d tried, really tried, and succeeded in landing a publisher like Avon that know the Romance market.

I’ve walked away from writing before. Many times before. It demands so much, and there are so many other things in life that need me.

Demon
Is this the doubt-demon making an appearance? Again…

Perhaps I just need a break. A chance to catch my breath. To ignore my muse for a while so she’ll want to come back (she can be fickle like that).

Or maybe I need to take a long break and ease back. I already know I will never be a full time writer. We depend on my corporate America income.

 

Have you ever come to a point where you know something has to give? Where you’re feeling frazzled, burned out, and like you aren’t always present in the moment? What did you do about it? What choices did you make? How did you deal with it?

"Aspiring" Writer

by

One topic I’ve seen a lot lately is the discussion wrapped around calling yourself a writer. Not an aspiring writer, but a writer.

I think I understand where this advice is coming from. This is a really hard field to get into, and it’s easy to get disappointed. I am experiencing my own doubts about my work and if I should continue to write.

I do not like the process of trying to find an agent or publisher. It really puts me out of my comfort zone, and the constant rejection is disheartening.

So calling yourself a writer is supposed to be an affirmation.  A way to keep yourself going when you’re thinking of quitting.

BookClouds2

But I feel like this is somewhat disingenuous. In my experience, most people who say they want to be a writer or are aspiring to be a writer mean they want to write full time. Most are already slugging away in their basement, spare bedroom, or if they’re really lucky, home office. But what they want is for their writing to support them and their family. They don’t want to have to hold down a day job so they can make ends meet.

So I get it. If you write, you’re a writer. You are doing the act of writing, and it doesn’t matter if you ever publish your work or not, if you never earn a dime from your work. And the publishing aspect is the part I like the least. I hate spending my few writing hours a week looking up agents, rewriting queries, etc.

I suppose if you’re an actor, you act. Even if it’s only at your community theater.

A co-worker of mine wanted to be a baseball player. He made it the minor leagues but got hurt. It ended his baseball career. He still plays baseball for fun, but he never says he’s a baseball player. To him, calling himself a baseball player means something very different than playing in his weekly rec league.

I suspect the same is true for writers.So, this affirmation feels a bit…I hesitate to say it…patronizing.

J.K.Rowling posting her rejection letters, (harsh, scathing rejection letters), did far more to motivate me than all of the “you are a writer” posts combined.

I write. I write almost every day. I wrote on my birthday, Valentine’s Day and Easter. I wrote when I had a cold. I wrote when I had bronchitis. I wrote when I didn’t want to write anymore.

So I am a writer, but I’m also an aspiring writer.

I am aspiring to find an agent. Aspiring to publish my first novel. Aspiring to make my writing profitable enough that it can pay for a laptop dedicated to it. Maybe even the latest version of Word.

I may not be good enough, lucky enough, or connected enough for any of this to happen. But I’m working for it. Aspiring towards it.