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Fantasy Romance

working mom

Family: 2020 Mom

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Yes, I am a 2020 Mom.

That has meant a lot of time home with my children this year. More than I have ever had.

I work full time, and while I say I would have liked to stay home with my children, I think that is a lie perpetuated by society.

I love my kids. A lot. I would do a lot for them, including take them to dance class.

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Some are nice, but the mean ones are really mean.

I do not think I am cut out to be a stay-at-home mom. I give those who can do it kudos, but it isn’t for me. And that’s okay. I happen to really enjoy financial modeling, and that isn’t for everyone, either.

I thought this safer-at-home period would make things better. No requests from teachers to come in on a Friday morning to help set-up binders (I do have to wonder how schools would function without the amount of unpaid labor they get from volunteers).

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Seriously, give me your supply list and I will help out, but do NOT ask me to do arts and crafts with my kids.

Except now it seems like the whole world has a lot of time on their hands while I am busier than ever. My day job is crazy right now, but the sheer number of projects coming at us from school, family members, and even extracurricular activities has been mind-boggling.

I truly don’t have time to learn to a dance, study a foreign language, or develop video editing skills. I have been feeling lucky to get up enough energy to even sit down at my computer to maybe write a little at night after my children go to bed.

I’ve talked about stress and creativity before, and none of my tips and tricks to reduce stress have worked very well. I have cut myself off from most news, but I am still really struggling to stay positive and focused on more creative endeavors.

And the guilt of “am I spending enough time with my children” or “am I doing enough for my family” always rears its head.

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Because you must feel bad if you are not learning to code with your child.

Some of this is in my head, but I know that writing takes time. I am trying to maintain a reasonable cadence, and that means making time to actually write.

One thing is for certain, I have gotten very good at tuning out Breath of the Wild while my children play it and I try to sneak in another 45 minutes of writing time.

ZeldaBoTW
Three years later, it’s still an awesome game.

Tired of Feeling Bad for Being a Working Mom

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Can you tell I am trying to figure out summer care, dance class schedules, and school transportation?

There are plenty of articles out there answering why people are choosing to not have children at all or are having far fewer than they would like.

I did choose to have them even with several of these misgivings, and I am tired of feeling bad for doing so while being a working mom.

I am also tired of a society designed around having one parent that stays at home if you do have children.

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Yeah, those free Tuesday morning dance camp e-mails always get a scowl.

Don’t believe that the system isn’t designed for working parents? I know, it can be hard to believe that in 2019 the school system can still think it’s 1953, so here are some of my challenges.

My daughter is in school for a total of seven hours a day. That includes her lunchtime and recess.

Seven.

I have to work eight for it to be a full day, and my lunchtime is not considered part of my workday. That means even with my relatively short 20 minute commute, I am almost three hours short on the amount of time she’s in school versus the amount of time I am at work or traveling to and from work.

So, I pay for “wrap-around” care. On top of daycare for my youngest, and my youngest’s daycare costs us the equivalent of having a second mortgage payment each month.

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College in my state is cheaper.

And the article linked above wonders why people think daycare is too expensive.

Of course, you could stay home. Always an option. But as many other articles have noted, you’re paying a premium for that both in terms of total lifetime earnings, but also in terms of promotion and advancement opportunities. Being “mommy tracked” in my industry is a career-limiting-move.

And, frankly, I love my kids. I would do almost anything for them, but I suck at dealing with kids. I have no training in it, and even now, I regularly feel sorry for my kids that they got stuck with me instead of someone that has a clue how to raise them.

Do you know how many parenting books I read?

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Do you know how many were helpful?

Yeah, none. Because as I learned, kids don’t follow manuals.

They eventually outgrow daycare, so you’re “just” paying for the wrap-around care. Then there’s the extracurricular activities. Back when I was a kid, these were truly “extra”. Now, the amount of pressure to have your kid in everything is amazing.

What do you mean your child isn’t in soccer, ballet, basketball, volleyball, and taking piano lessons?!? What kind of parent are you?

One that works.

All of these extra-curricular activities require transportation to and from them (not to mention the additional cost). Because of course I can leave work at 3pm to fetch my daughter and have her to dance class before 4pm. /end sarcasm.

And I am not alone. In families with both parents still living together, almost 50% are dual income households.

And driving their kids places is a significant stressor.

I need a self-driving car just to cart my daughter to and from her activities. Which, I limited her to two because I truly believe kids need time to play and engage their imagination.

There’s that writer in me.