Elizabeth Drakes's Site

Fantasy Romance

Work-life balance

The Constancy of Change

by

On my way into work on a blustery cold morning without a spec of sunlight yet pinking the horizon, I succumbed to a bit of wistfulness as I drove past houses that didn’t yet have their lights on.

Back in 2011, that would’ve been me.

purple-3054804_640
Calm and tranquil

My husband and I both shower at night because of my allergies, so we could get up at 7:15 am, enjoy a cup of coffee and our breakfast smoothie while we watched the birds and squirrels in our backyard. We even bought bird feeders and heated bird baths to bring more creatures to our yard.

We then left for work at 7:50 am, each of us making it to work with plenty of time to spare. No rush. No frantic frenzy.

I didn’t bother packing a lunch because I lived close to work and came home every day. My husband made his lunch in less than five minutes.

At night, we made supper in a leisurely fashion, ate in front of the TV, and gamed or read books for the rest of the evening. We considered 11 pm a reasonable bedtime, though 11:30 or midnight was not uncommon. Weekends saw us indulging in our night owl preferences, and we’d regularly go to bed at 2 am then sleep until 10 am.

owl-3184032_640
We used to know great-horned owls were nesting in our backyard because we listened to them on weekends.

I start work now before I was even awake back in 2011. My husband and I get up at 5:15 am because there are four lunches to pack. We have to make sure the kids are dressed, their hair combed, and they eat breakfast. Backpacks to remember and the car to load.

I then head to work while my husband finishes up the morning routine, wrangles the kids into the car, and drives them to school.

While I start work earlier than I ever have, I don’t get home much earlier as I have pick-up duty. As hard as the kids are to get into the car and off to school, they are equally hard to gather up and bring home.

Then comes the emptying of lunches, going through paperwork from school, and making dinner while I fuss at the oldest to do her homework.

DoYourHomework
Please.

Why does a 1st grader even have homework?!?

Our house is anything but quiet ever. Once we could hear owls hoot. Now, we’d be lucky to hear a locomotive driving down our street.

There are also a lot more hugs, a lot more cuddles, and a lot more love.

Things may be hectic and messy, and I will never fit in with the dance moms, but the noise and chaos are part of this phase of our life. A part of having young children. And while I will never like mornings, I do love the grin on my daughter’s face as she runs out to hug me when she wakes up.

So many changes.

Makes me wonder what life will look like in 2025.

I’m guessing more changes.

4 Reasons Why Americans Don’t Take Vacation

by

Yes, it’s true that Americans don’t take all of their vacation days.

It’s also true that Americans tend to get far fewer vacation days than our counterparts in the rest of the industrialized world.

 So, why aren’t we taking those days?

Here’s my four reasons for not wanting to take another week off of work anytime soon.

4  Reasons Why Americans Don’t Take Vacation

  1. You have to Plan Them

At least my vacations don’t plan themselves. Sad, really, but my reality. When you add in two children and no real history of taking family vacations when I was a child to draw from, trying to figure out where to go and what to do that will interest both children without making me want to claw out my own eyes is a feat.

Then there are all the logistics that go with them. If something goes wrong spending six hours in O’Hare with two cranky children might be its own circle of hell.

familyvacation

 

2. Work Waits for No One

There’s not just the work of packing and planning, which is a pain in itself. I’m talking about getting everything ready at work. I’m a desk jockey for a living. That means no one is covering for me while I’m out. Or at least, not covering more than the very basics. So everything else must be done before I leave. This adds to the stress of going. I seriously do not know how my counterparts in our foreign offices are able to take off two or three consecutive weeks every year. Last time I got off two consecutive weeks was when I was in college.

3. You Have to Recover From Them

Laundry. Unpacking. Putting everything away. This is all some of the last things anyone wants to do when they come home from a family vacation. My family tends to be tired and grumpy. And some of us need our space and alone time that we haven’t gotten since the “vacation” started.

Wineforvacation

 4. Are They Really Fun?

The jury is still out on this. I enjoyed vacations much more when my husband and I were younger. We didn’t need to plan so much, and we were able to go with the flow more. Not go with the flow, exactly, but go with it more. Kids don’t go with the flow. Ever. The amount of crying, yelling, fussing and general malaise makes me wonder why we did this. Why we spent the money and time on this.

Then I look back at the pictures of the kids smiling and laughing. No, Maybe I didn’t have fun, but they sure did. And they keep talking about the things we saw and did. So maybe that’s why. And maybe I’ll remember it being better later.

familyvacation2

How about you? Did you take family vacations as a kid? Did you or do you take them with your own kids? Any tips or advice for someone new to this?

Craving Christmas Lights

by

I normally love Christmas lights, but this year, I am absolutely craving them.

It’s been a hectic month with a lot of trials. Not as bad as last year, but I feel like getting sucker punched over the holidays is almost a tradition.

Still, I love the lights. The bright colors. The beautiful, or sometime garish, displays.

bank-2547356_640
Even the snow co-operated with just a dusting.

I’m not sure why I like them so much. Perhaps it’s the bit of nostalgia from my childhood. Driving around and looking at lights was one of the few things we did as a family that involved very little fighting.

Maybe it’s the time of the year. A little light goes a long way when the is sun winning at a game of hide-and-seek.

funny-go-work-dark-home-pics
This is very much my life for most of the winter.

I’d love to say it’s the holiday season itself, but as a parent, I have found the holidays a lot more stressful.

Whatever it is, seeing the lights on my way home from work makes me smile after a long day. I even spontaneously burst into Christmas carols a few times this year. Good thing I was alone to save any potential passenger the pain of my horribly off-key singing. Tone-deafness runs in my family.

Reminds me that we really should do more to decorate for the holidays.

christmas-2948567_640
Pretty and shiny.

It was fun putting up the tree this year, and the kids loved it, but the lone angel in the front yard looks pretty sad. My husband doesn’t really care to decorate, but he humors me.

Or, I can avoid the stress and just enjoy other people’s decorations. Perhaps I’ll check the after Christmas sales and think about it next year.

But if you are decorating, know that at least one person out here appreciates your efforts. And thank you.

 

Running Out of Time

by

Are we really as time deficient as we think? We all seem to be constantly running out of time, or claiming we never have enough of it.

time1
Maybe both.

 

A quick Google search will reveal oodles of articles on time management and how to get more done in less time. (Hint: it involves turning off Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc.)

We all think that the modern world is super stressful and that we never have time for anything, but a look back through history tells us of twelve and fourteen hour work days. It tells us Saturday was long considered as much a work day as Monday. Only the Sabbath was taken off, and then it wasn’t a day of rest, but a day of prayer.

I know, sounds like some people’s jobs, especially with all of the connectivity, but it still doesn’t answer why are we feeling so particularly time-crunched now.

work1

I did some Google research, and I didn’t find a lot of articles out there. So I did a little introspection.

I can honestly say I didn’t feel the same level of stress and pressure before having children as I did after. They are a monumental task in our society, which many people from previous generations have told me was not always the case. I’m not entirely sure why the sudden pressure on parents to perfectly organize, arrange and educate their children, but I can tell you that it’s there.

The days of kids riding their bikes and hanging out have been replaced with soccer camps, computer programming classes, and “enrichment” activities.

drive
And it only gets worse.

I’ve also learned that commutation between parents and care-givers, whether kindergarten or formal pre-school, is difficult. This adds to confusion and makes everything take longer.

Yet, for me anyway, it’s more than this.

For me, the lack of time stems from me not being able to do all that I want to get done. Mainly, writing and the corresponding social media presence that entails. For a friend of mine, it means not getting to work on her jewelry making. For another, it means not getting to ride her horse.

This is why I feel time pressured. My choices for entertainment are greater than they’ve ever been, and most are instantly available, at the same time that so many other obligations have been added.

How many of us really want to chauffeur our kid to dance class and then watch a room of kindergartners try to master basic ballet steps before carting them home? I think we’d all rather be binge watching something on Netflix. Or reading. Or writing.

For me, the feeling of never having enough time started around the time I realized I had to be social to write books. I mostly love writing, but as you may have noticed, I’m a bit of an introvert. Okay, a lot of an introvert. Social media is hard for me. While writing felt like an unpaid part time job, the social media aspect made it feel like a full time job, on top of kids, a spouse, and a day job.

This is why I feel time crunched.

time2
About right.

What to do about it?

Well, the kids are non-negotiable. Most days. That means the day job to support them and everything that goes with them is non-negotiable.

Not entirely sure what to do about the writing. I should complete three first draft novels this year. Two are already done, and the third is halfway there. Not exactly the four most romance writers produce a year, so even with as much time as I’ve committed, I’m not quite at the romance author level. And, that doesn’t account for revisions. All of my work needs serious revision.

The logical answer would be to set aside writing, but I’m not willing to do that. I’ve been writing since I was a kid. I clearly want to do this thing, and I’ve already put it off too many decades.

So, back to feeling like I never have enough time.

 

How about you? How do you balance family commitments with you professional life and hobbies? When was the last time you binge watched on Netflix? Any real life tips for making a serious hobby work with family and work?

My Legs Are Made Out of Jelly

by

I started strength training approximately ten years ago. Then, we decided to have children. Between issues with pregnancy and finally having a squalling if amazing baby, I quit lifting.

Yes, I know how important it is. For general wellness and doing things like spreading mulch, and but also to prevent osteoporosis. This disease is big deal in my family, made all the worse by where I’ve lived most of my life.

Per my endocrinologist, the closer to the equator you are, the less likely you are to develop it. Having lived in the north of the US most of my life has increased my likelihood of the disease quite a bit. Things like strength training can help decrease it.

Back before children, I went straight to the gym after work. Eventually, we put a home gym in, and I went to that as soon as I got home from work.

So, I tried that again. Simply coming home, throwing on my gear, and heading to the basement. But it was almost impossible to get there. My daughters wanted, needed, my attention. They hadn’t seen me all day and missed me. How could I possibly walk past my toddler holding her arms out to me with a grin on her face as she says, “Momma, momma, momma!”

w1
Don’t forget to add writing!

That leaves mornings before they get up and evenings after they go to bed. I am not much of a morning person, but I learned very quickly I don’t have enough energy left to start any kind of exercise after they are in bed.

Setting aside my lack of being a morning person, morning is doubly hard for strength training as you’re supposed to be awake for an hour before you start lifting to help prevent injury. I haven’t been in my indestructible twenties for a long time. Injury is most assuredly a thing that happens to people at my age.

So, I decided to tweak my work schedule and work on strength two days a week at lunch and one day on the weekend. I reviewed my old workout plan, modified a few things to take into account my current physical state, and implemented it.

After strength training for the first time in almost seven years, I’ve discovered just how hard stairs can be to climb.

w2

My legs feel like jelly and my arms don’t want to lift off the keyboard. I hadn’t thought I’d overdone the workout, but apparently even body-weight push-ups on an incline are hard after seven years. Really hard.

Beyond moving with the stiff gait of the walking dead, the other thing I noticed was how hungry I was.  I mean hungry. Not just in the it’s almost time for dinner hungry. But genuinely hungry. I had an apple in the afternoon and later a Kind bar. I was still hungry when I got home. I snacked on some fruit and a bit of beef jerky and devoured dinner. I was still hungry.

At this point, I was starting to feel like the very hungry caterpillar.

We normally don’t keep snacks in the house because if you don’t have them, it doesn’t take much willpower not to eat them. I was so hungry by eight o’clock that I had a headache.

I ended up finding my stash of frozen custard and plowed through it. I’d love to justify it by saying it was chocolate custard with raspberries in it, so clearly it couldn’t be so bad. But there’s no point. I knew how bad it was while I was eating it and didn’t care. I was hungry and this was finally helping me feel full.

w3

So, while strength training may help build some strength and some bones, I need to figure out a way to deal with this spike in hunger. I’m hoping it’s just temporary while my body gets used to the new demands being made on this desk jockey.

On the positive side, I had no trouble falling asleep. Literally, I don’t think my head was on the pillow for thirty seconds before I was sound asleep. I also slept the whole night, and when a nightmare woke me up, as they do, I rolled over and was back asleep in less than a minute.

 

How about you? Ever started a strength training routine? How’d it go? Any tips? Or maybe you over did some gardening or other work and paid for it the next morning? Any tips on how you coped?

Stress and Creativity

by

I came across some interesting articles recently about the effect of stress on creativity.

This one, from the American Psychological association, pertains more to grad students, but many of us who work full time and try to fit in writing, family, and whatever else we do have a similar stress load. Even if you don’t, there could be other equally stressing factors.

time-1528627_640
Most days feel about like this, but I don’t look so graceful or poised.

 

One from Forbes talking about the effect on creativity and competitiveness at work.

There are quite a few more as it appears this is an area of study, many of which are scientific enough that I have to get out my Six Sigma stuff to understand the statistical analysis.

But this brings me to my point: the scientific community knows that stress kills creativity. While the brain is expending resources on the lower order functions in a fight or flight response to keep us alive, it’s not giving much of anything to higher order functions like creativity.

Makes sense. Your brain doesn’t really differentiate from the stress caused by a lion attack and the stress caused by an impractical deadline at work. So your brain is going to “save” you from the “lion”.

I have been on this fight or flight roller-coaster since early May.

At that time, we learned DD2 was developmentally delayed, and we’ve had to spend a lot of time and money to figure out why and then start her treatment. As part of her treatment, I learned quickly that the medical profession in my area expects you to either be a stay-at-home mom or miss lots of work as there’s no such thing as early morning, night, or weekend appointments. Not even Friday appointments in the summer, as it turns out.

We then got to experience first-hand the joys of insurance denying everything, even things they had told us previously they would cover. Lots of stress fighting them and mostly losing.

About 3 days after my daughter was diagnosed, I was asked to start a massive cost-benefit analysis of shutting down a plant that has been around since 1946. Had to be done completely in secret. So lots of sneaking around and asking weird questions with made-up reasons. The analysis confirmed what the executives expected, the announcement was made, and now I face the constant daily stress of working through the plant closure and reporting out on it.

So, yeah, no wonder my creativity dried up in May and hasn’t really returned.

I need to find a better way to deal with the stress than I have been, but I’ve yet to figure it out.