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Fantasy Romance

time management

Lean In?

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I have never denied how busy I am or how many more hours I would like in a day.

Spouse, children, day job, writing, family…I never feel like I have enough time for everything.

When time management books tell me to cut back on my television time…I can’t tell you the last thing I watched for me. Yes, I have watched Nailed It with the kids, and I have seen waaay more than my fair share of Octonauts. But other than that, I have not watched TV or movies for myself in ages.

KidsProgrammingShows
Only 47?!?

And now I consider whether or not I should take a more active role in my girls’ love of dance. I will never be a “dance mom”, and I will never see dance as more than an enjoyable way for them to move their bodies and get some exercise. We live in a really cold state. It’s an indoor sport. Seems like a good fit.

And they love it.

My youngest daughter was running around the house pretending to be Link from Legend of Zelda wielding her sword and shield and taking on “bad guys”.

Why, yes, she does have gamer parents. Why do you ask?

When it was time to go to her dance recital, she was singing the theme song to Dino Trucks as we got her dressed in her beautiful purple sparkly dance dress kind of like this one.

I love the variety little girls have to choose from today!

Dinotrux
Daughter’s favorite show ever.

She was so excited to be going to her dance recital, and she couldn’t wait to show us “her moves”. My little one, who is normally not a fan of the spotlight, got up on stage in front of a sold-out theater and did her best.

My oldest daughter overcame stage fright so she could dance.

Not sure I am allowed to admit this, but I am amazed how graceful and coordinated she is on stage! If you saw her off stage…

We are also blessed that we found a dance studio that truly is inclusive. The girls range in size from almost six feet tall to barely five feet. Some are thin some are not and some are very heavy. But all move together beautifully, and I love seeing the diversity on stage. I love seeing girls, of any size or shape, dancing and enjoying the freedom of movement.

Of course, now my oldest daughter wants to do “everything”.

Dance is expensive. Then, you have to drive them to class and wait for them. And she has a sister who will want to do “everything” with her.

As we’re trying to figure out transportation, which classes we can actually do, how many is “too many”, etc, I am also asking myself if I should be more involved.

Should I volunteer for things? If this is really going to be important to my daughters, how much should I get involved?

Do I want to?

Well, no.

dancemoms

Do I want to doing something with my girls that’s important to them?

Of course.

I am just not sure how all of this works. What the right path is.

It’s all new territory to me. And the parenting books forgot to mention this back when we were trying to learn all about the joys and pitfalls of children.

 

 

Maybe I Can’t

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No, this is not a de-motivational poster.

i-cant-do-it-captain-i-dont-have-the-power.jpg
But he *always* pulls through.

I discuss time management a lot, and I realized something important.

I just can’t “do it all”. No matter what society tells me. No matter what society expects of me.

Sure Sheryl Sandberg wants us to “Lean In”, but I can almost guarantee she has never had to figure out how to pick up her child from dance class, get laundry done, and make sure dinner is on the table.

I guess this really hit home as I was looking at the list of writing projects I want to achieve, what I have achieved this year, and even where I have failed.

CelebrateSuccess
Except a writer is never done.

 

Successes

  • I will publish Knight of Valor this year.
  • I will publish A Knight’s Redemption within 6 months of Knight of Valor
  • I finished Leikar and Annabelle’s first draft
  • I will finish Rohan and Makayla’s first draft
  • I completed a third revision of A Knight’s Second Chance
  • I will complete a fourth revision of A Knight’s Second Chance

There will still be a few months left in the year for me to complete my other goals of:

  • Writing a third first draft novel
  • The really hard first-second draft revision of Rita (name may change) and Logan

Misses

Deadlines. They seem to go whooshing by.

DeadlinesWhoosh

 

Areas to Focus on

  • Accepting that creative endeavors are not the same as corporate finance. I am understanding a little better why we’re still waiting for Winds of Winter.
  • Accepting that I might have had unrealistic expectations for myself. Because that never happens…

All in, I am happy with the way the first half of this year went, but writing down goals put a little more stress on me than I was anticipating. Still, I think it has really helped me to focus and shown me how much I do accomplish.

5 Things I Learned about Myself on Vacation

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I wouldn’t say learned, exactly, but perhaps was strongly reminded of in a less than subtle way.

5 Things I Learned about Myself on Vacation

 

  1. I Like Need Things Planned

This whole going with the flow thing is for people that are not me. I need to know what we’re doing and when. I want plans solidified. Train schedules plotted out. Museum hours accounted for. Not, this doesn’t apply to my writing, but it does everything else (which is why it still stymies me as to why I can’t be a plotter).

familyvacation

 

  1. I Like (Need) Things to Be on Time

In my family, if you’re not five minutes (okay, fifteen) early, you’re late. Why yes, my ancestors are German, why do you ask? I try very hard to be on time and ready to go, which I accomplished all the time every time before we had children. Now, I feel like I have to tell everyone we need to leave thirty minutes sooner than we actually do just to have a chance at leaving on time.

And when we’re late anyway? Plans start to fall apart.

Time
What did people do before watches and cell phones?

 

  1. Crowds Make Me Edgy

I don’t like crowds. I’ve never liked crowds. Most of my life, I’ve been content to shop first thing in the morning to avoid crowds. Then, internet shopping became a thing, and I could shop whenever I liked without having to talk to a soul.

But every single thing that involves a family vacation also seems to avoid crows. Lots of them.

51acb30ac6516d3bff4e7061ecfab48d_online-shopping-funniest-memes-online_420-294

 

  1. I Am Not Pleasant When Stressed

Who is, really? And no, breathing techniques don’t work.

stressed

 

  1. Stress Causes Migraines

And these make me even more pleasant! What was the point of this vacation again?

 

Running Out of Time

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Are we really as time deficient as we think? We all seem to be constantly running out of time, or claiming we never have enough of it.

time1
Maybe both.

 

A quick Google search will reveal oodles of articles on time management and how to get more done in less time. (Hint: it involves turning off Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc.)

We all think that the modern world is super stressful and that we never have time for anything, but a look back through history tells us of twelve and fourteen hour work days. It tells us Saturday was long considered as much a work day as Monday. Only the Sabbath was taken off, and then it wasn’t a day of rest, but a day of prayer.

I know, sounds like some people’s jobs, especially with all of the connectivity, but it still doesn’t answer why are we feeling so particularly time-crunched now.

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I did some Google research, and I didn’t find a lot of articles out there. So I did a little introspection.

I can honestly say I didn’t feel the same level of stress and pressure before having children as I did after. They are a monumental task in our society, which many people from previous generations have told me was not always the case. I’m not entirely sure why the sudden pressure on parents to perfectly organize, arrange and educate their children, but I can tell you that it’s there.

The days of kids riding their bikes and hanging out have been replaced with soccer camps, computer programming classes, and “enrichment” activities.

drive
And it only gets worse.

I’ve also learned that commutation between parents and care-givers, whether kindergarten or formal pre-school, is difficult. This adds to confusion and makes everything take longer.

Yet, for me anyway, it’s more than this.

For me, the lack of time stems from me not being able to do all that I want to get done. Mainly, writing and the corresponding social media presence that entails. For a friend of mine, it means not getting to work on her jewelry making. For another, it means not getting to ride her horse.

This is why I feel time pressured. My choices for entertainment are greater than they’ve ever been, and most are instantly available, at the same time that so many other obligations have been added.

How many of us really want to chauffeur our kid to dance class and then watch a room of kindergartners try to master basic ballet steps before carting them home? I think we’d all rather be binge watching something on Netflix. Or reading. Or writing.

For me, the feeling of never having enough time started around the time I realized I had to be social to write books. I mostly love writing, but as you may have noticed, I’m a bit of an introvert. Okay, a lot of an introvert. Social media is hard for me. While writing felt like an unpaid part time job, the social media aspect made it feel like a full time job, on top of kids, a spouse, and a day job.

This is why I feel time crunched.

time2
About right.

What to do about it?

Well, the kids are non-negotiable. Most days. That means the day job to support them and everything that goes with them is non-negotiable.

Not entirely sure what to do about the writing. I should complete three first draft novels this year. Two are already done, and the third is halfway there. Not exactly the four most romance writers produce a year, so even with as much time as I’ve committed, I’m not quite at the romance author level. And, that doesn’t account for revisions. All of my work needs serious revision.

The logical answer would be to set aside writing, but I’m not willing to do that. I’ve been writing since I was a kid. I clearly want to do this thing, and I’ve already put it off too many decades.

So, back to feeling like I never have enough time.

 

How about you? How do you balance family commitments with you professional life and hobbies? When was the last time you binge watched on Netflix? Any real life tips for making a serious hobby work with family and work?

Five Things I Learned as a "Professional" Writer

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I was recently fortunate enough to have three days where the kids were in daycare, and I was home from work. DH and I decided that we didn’t want the girls to completely get out of their routine over the holiday season, and he was fine with me spending these days getting some house stuff done and writing.

So, for three days, I got to spend most of my time writing. Here’s what I learned:

1. Errands Take Longer Than You Think – Among the things I needed to do during these three days were a variety of errands. I was home, so I agreed to do them all. Having no idea how long it can take to go to the bank, buy cat food, and get dinner fixings, I set out to get them done in less than an hour so I could start writing. Only to find the bank doesn’t open until nine. The pet store at ten. I learned really fast getting everything out of the way right after dropping the girls off was about as likely as finding a unicorn in my driveway holding a million dollars.

2. It’s Lonely – I am an introvert by nature, but being home alone all day really tests that. I found myself keeping iTunes on at all times, and eventually reaching out to others through Twitter. Sad, I know. But there it is.

being-a-good-writer

3. Distractions Abound – The internet is normally not much of a distraction for me, but then, I only have an hour a day to write. Easy enough to turn off distractions for that amount of time. A whole day? Suddenly, a whole lot harder.

4. Timers Need Not Apply – My first two days, I foolishly listened to advice that recommended setting timers for productivity and break time (50 minutes or so of writing followed by 10 minutes of doing stuff). This was hugely detrimental to me as I could sometimes write well over 50 minutes, and 10 minutes was sometimes too long and other times not long enough of a break period.

5. The Joy of “The Zone” – When you have carved out an hour a day to write, you guard that hour jealously and write during it no matter what. But when you have a whole day?  There is this magical zone, and once in it, you can do amazing things. No children to pull you out of it, no spouse talking about important things. It’s amazing how much you can accomplish. Or how much you can cut.

 

How about you?  You ever have a day or three just to write?  How did it work for you?

 

 

Each Step Counts

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If you remember my post from a while back, you’ll know that my Fitbit and I have a rocky relationship. It tracks my steps, or my failure to take steps, and reports it in glorious color.

I learned very quickly that I didn’t suddenly love exercise, nor did I suddenly have an extra hour a day to exercise.

My first week of wearing the Fitbit taught me how few steps a desk jockey really takes. It then taught me that squeezing in a 20 minute walk at lunch took me from deep “F” territory (read sub 5,000) to “D” territory of around 6,000 or so steps.

I was stymied how to get more steps, so I tried adding in a few here and there whenever I could. Park in the back of the parking lot and walk in. Play “chase” with my toddler for a few minutes in the morning. Walk around the lunchroom while I’m waiting for my lunch to heat up. Walk down to someone’s office to have a chat rather than drop an e-mail.

Believe it or not, a lot of these small changes added up. I have now averaged an “A” two weeks in a row at 9,400 steps or more a day.

fitbit-steps-done

Not sure if the habits will stick, but they’re working right now.

So, I started trying this approach for my writing. While it doesn’t work for hard edits or revisions, much like my few steps won’t prep me for a 5K, dropping in a few lines here and there has started to add up. I have a thought, and I quick jot it into e-mail and send it to myself. And much like with my steps, these all add up.

And they add up quickly.

Yes, it takes some time to pull these disparate thoughts together, but its something I can do when I’m not feeling creative. And I’m amazed at some off-the-cuff creativity I’ve had. It seems as if ideas are percolating more even if it’s just back in my subconscious.

I still have another few weeks of working on my new story before I turn back to tackling another revision of book two, or of book one after taking a class on learning more about the first 5 pages.

We’ll see how this writing strategy works then. For the moment, I’m going to see where it takes me.

 

How about you? How’s your relationship with your Fitbit? Have you ever found it easier to just do a little here and there? Do you have a better Fitbit strategy? A better writing strategy?