Elizabeth Drakes's Site

Fantasy Romance

Stress

Family: 2020 Mom

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Yes, I am a 2020 Mom.

That has meant a lot of time home with my children this year. More than I have ever had.

I work full time, and while I say I would have liked to stay home with my children, I think that is a lie perpetuated by society.

I love my kids. A lot. I would do a lot for them, including take them to dance class.

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Some are nice, but the mean ones are really mean.

I do not think I am cut out to be a stay-at-home mom. I give those who can do it kudos, but it isn’t for me. And that’s okay. I happen to really enjoy financial modeling, and that isn’t for everyone, either.

I thought this safer-at-home period would make things better. No requests from teachers to come in on a Friday morning to help set-up binders (I do have to wonder how schools would function without the amount of unpaid labor they get from volunteers).

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Seriously, give me your supply list and I will help out, but do NOT ask me to do arts and crafts with my kids.

Except now it seems like the whole world has a lot of time on their hands while I am busier than ever. My day job is crazy right now, but the sheer number of projects coming at us from school, family members, and even extracurricular activities has been mind-boggling.

I truly don’t have time to learn to a dance, study a foreign language, or develop video editing skills. I have been feeling lucky to get up enough energy to even sit down at my computer to maybe write a little at night after my children go to bed.

I’ve talked about stress and creativity before, and none of my tips and tricks to reduce stress have worked very well. I have cut myself off from most news, but I am still really struggling to stay positive and focused on more creative endeavors.

And the guilt of “am I spending enough time with my children” or “am I doing enough for my family” always rears its head.

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Because you must feel bad if you are not learning to code with your child.

Some of this is in my head, but I know that writing takes time. I am trying to maintain a reasonable cadence, and that means making time to actually write.

One thing is for certain, I have gotten very good at tuning out Breath of the Wild while my children play it and I try to sneak in another 45 minutes of writing time.

ZeldaBoTW
Three years later, it’s still an awesome game.

A Bit of a Change

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As I had previously mentioned, it is that time of year where my day job gets insanely busy. I will be putting in long hours at work, trying to balance family life, and still attempting to put forth some fresh words on a page.

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About right.

I have new characters flying through my head, new kingdoms within my world, and new villains.

I am trying to keep the creativity lit while still meeting my other demands, and some of these characters won’t shut up.

Not a bad fate, except I have two other first drafts already in the works that I need to finish before I get to them.

I am not complaining about the plethora of ideas coming my way. What I need is more time…

Time
Where, oh where, can I get some?

For now, these new characters have been giving me snippets of their life and backstory on my commute into work, in the shower, while I make dinner…you get the idea. Whether any of these character will ever get their own book, I don’t know. Even if they do, how much of their story will stay the same, I don’t know.

But I thought it would be fun to share them with you. Give you a little glimpse of the madness that is being a writer as your characters are talking in your head.

I have precious little time lately, and rather than fight these shots of creativity, I am going to embrace it. See where it leads.

With that in mind, my blog posts for a bit will be shorts of all that they are showing me and telling me as I let them take over.

As always, let me know what you think.

If any of them sound particularly interesting, I will listen to them a bit more.

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Not suffering from this!  Just need more time!

Writing Update: September

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Things were going okay until they weren’t.

September Update
Thank goodness I worked ahead a little.

Work has been crazy, and I have been struggling to feel even remotely creative.

We tend to play video games as a family, and some of that game time crept into my writing time as it was easier to consume creative content than to produce it.

Still, all in, I am on track for the year, but only because I worked ahead earlier in the year.

I am halfway through Prince Thomas and Mage Purple Class Claudia’s story. Finishing it in November is my goal. I hope to make it, but work will only get busier. I have a huge deadline on November 15th, and a “drop dead” date on December 19th. I am marching to those orders now.

We all know stress kill creativity, but with so many other things going on at work, it is absolutely overwhelming right now.

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Me right now.

I also need to tackle a series of promotion stuff I tend to be less enthusiastic about doing. I need to set aside some time to just do it, and I am hoping that will happen late in December. Work will not quiet down until next April, so I have to figure out a way to push through this. I also need to start a lot of the bits of publishing a Knight’s Redemption ahead of time so it doesn’t derail me like publishing Knight of Valor did this year.

Yes, I finished my December goal. It was a rewrite I worked on while I was delayed with Knight of Valor.

As I am reviewing this year’s goals, the one thing I have to admit is revising take a lot more time than I would like.

Once I complete Thomas and Claudia’s story, I will have written three first drafts this year. But I was only able to publish one book.

As I take a look at next year’s goals, I think I need to reduce my number of first drafts to two. I wanted to publish three books per year, but the editing time doesn’t permit that with my other obligations. Perhaps if I only write two in a year, I can then have the time to do all the edits on them so I can release two in a year.

Something to ponder.

I do enjoy the thrill of crafting a story fresh. It’s one of the best and most exciting parts of writing.

But there is also something gratifying about a final draft.

Given how goal oriented I am with my day job right now, might not be the best of times to make such decisions.

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10 Ways to Conquer Stress and Bring Back Your Creativity

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So, yes, I missed the deadline to have the first draft of A Love of His Own completed. I am still wrestling with it, along with significant work stress. Oh, and we still don’t have a kitchen.

We know stress kills creativity. And, given my current circumstances, it isn’t going anywhere.

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Me during the height of budgeting

So, what can we do about it? How do we tame the stress so our muse will come hang out with us and bring some inspiration along with her?

 

Here are 10 Things “experts” Say Will Reduce Stress

1. Get enough sleep

Because it’s so easy to sleep when you’re already stressed. It’s not like stress causes insomnia or anything. Oh wait.

 

2. Eat Well-Balance meals

Already doing this, though this can also be a source of stress. It’s a lot easier to pick up something on my way home that to spend thirty minutes I don’t have trying to put together a healthy choice. In a non-existent kitchen.

 

3. Limit Alcohol and Caffeine

Gave up both when I was pregnant, and I never started back on either. Very liberating to not need that cup of coffee in the morning, though I was awful to be around for the two months it took to break the habit.

Frankly, I’m not sure if this just transfers your stress from you to your family members as they now have to deal with you without coffee…

 

4. Count to 10 (or 20 or 1,000)

This has helped me when dealing with my children, but not for the bigger things like when those children are ill. Or washing dishes in a bathtub while my youngest insists she must take her bath right now.

 

5. Take Deep Breaths

Okay… Feel like medical science might be stretching a little here.

 

6. Take a time-out.

No, not the kind you give your children.

Although maybe.

They recommend things like practicing yoga, listening to music, meditating, getting a massage, or learning relaxation techniques. According to the experts, stepping back from the problem helps clear your head. Because I totally have time for this! If I did, I might not be as stressed out…

 

7. Learn what triggers your anxiety.

What triggers mine? Not having a kitchen.

Or impossible goals like trying to balance work, children, a spouse, a household, and writing. You know, modern American life.

 

8. Maintain a positive attitude.

I think I actually flipped off the computer monitor when I read this. Mature, I know.

 

9. Get involved.

Volunteer or find another way to be active in your community, which creates a support network and gives you a break from everyday stress. Which totally works because I’m not already stressed over not having enough time meet all my current obligations.

 

10. Welcome humor. A good laugh goes a long way. 

Clearly what some of these coping strategies are. For me, anyway.

 

If nothing else, I suppose it did make me smile a little. Sometimes, science can’t solve all your problems. Although a good contractor would go a long way to solving mine.

 

Something Had to Give

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I have not been nearly as attentive on this site as I would like.

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Work has been insanely busy.

My kitchen still isn’t done. Not being able to use a stove, sink or dishwasher adds a whole new level of stress, especially as we’ve been without them for over thirteen weeks. There has also been an insane amount of stress dealing with contractors. Like when they put our island in crooked, or when they put the cabinets in at the wrong height.

This all hit after a delay in Seducing the Ice Queen because of some vision issues between myself and the cover artist.

Something had to give.

First, it was presence on social media.

Then it was sleep, because I wasn’t doing that anyway with the stress.

Then it was this blog.

Then it was the writing itself.

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On a side note, I am lucky in so many other ways.

I am healthy. My family is doing well. We are all safe and together. With the California wildfires still in my thoughts, Sandyhook, and the like, I’m reminded I do have a lot to be grateful for.

And yes, I am slowly getting back into writing. My creativity has taken a beating, but I’m developing some new characters that may make an appearance in future books. Even if they don’t, the exercise of creating them is helping to bring back some of the joy and alleviate some of the stress.

As long as you all aren’t too mad at me for being a bit absent, the worst thing that may come of this is a delay in releasing Knight of Valor.

Well, if you exclude the mess that is my kitchen!

5 Things I Learned about Myself on Vacation

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I wouldn’t say learned, exactly, but perhaps was strongly reminded of in a less than subtle way.

5 Things I Learned about Myself on Vacation

 

  1. I Like Need Things Planned

This whole going with the flow thing is for people that are not me. I need to know what we’re doing and when. I want plans solidified. Train schedules plotted out. Museum hours accounted for. Not, this doesn’t apply to my writing, but it does everything else (which is why it still stymies me as to why I can’t be a plotter).

familyvacation

 

  1. I Like (Need) Things to Be on Time

In my family, if you’re not five minutes (okay, fifteen) early, you’re late. Why yes, my ancestors are German, why do you ask? I try very hard to be on time and ready to go, which I accomplished all the time every time before we had children. Now, I feel like I have to tell everyone we need to leave thirty minutes sooner than we actually do just to have a chance at leaving on time.

And when we’re late anyway? Plans start to fall apart.

Time
What did people do before watches and cell phones?

 

  1. Crowds Make Me Edgy

I don’t like crowds. I’ve never liked crowds. Most of my life, I’ve been content to shop first thing in the morning to avoid crowds. Then, internet shopping became a thing, and I could shop whenever I liked without having to talk to a soul.

But every single thing that involves a family vacation also seems to avoid crows. Lots of them.

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  1. I Am Not Pleasant When Stressed

Who is, really? And no, breathing techniques don’t work.

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  1. Stress Causes Migraines

And these make me even more pleasant! What was the point of this vacation again?