Elizabeth Drakes's Site

Fantasy Romance

Job Loss

Things are Weird

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I am not going to belabor the COVID-19 outbreak, nor am I going to minimize it.

My family is struggling. Frankly, eight days cooped up together is a lot. My husband has a cold. Every time he coughs, we jump. But yes, just a cold, thankfully.

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How we all feel with a cold.

I turn on the news only to turn it off again. I am doing what I can with social distancing. There is little more I can do right now.

We have no idea when or even if the kids will go back to school this year.

Grocery shopping is a nightmare.

The fear over if we will have a job in a few weeks also looms large. We live America where there really is no social safety net. We are fortunate that we have some savings to see us through, but the threat of unemployment is very real.

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Not the good kind.

Through all of this, I have been…writing. Yeah. I know.

I’ve basically tuned it to what I need to, then I have buried my head in the sand with my imaginary characters.

I finished one book during this time and am 30k words into a second. Yeah, burying my head.

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There will be knights. Mages, too!

I don’t know what else to do.

I look forward to a return to some normalcy. To at least knowing what we face rather than just being afraid all the time.

Until then, I pick up my sword and shield, and face the demons of the unknown in the dark.

I Clearly Misplaced It

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Looking for my motivation. Yes, I’ve clearly misplaced it, but I’m not sure where.

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That’s not entirely true.

We’ve had a run of nasty sicknesses in my house. From ear infections, to stomach flu, to five-day fevers, we haven’t had more than a couple weeks all year where someone in the house isn’t sick. Work has also been really busy, and my lunch hour has been usurped so that I can still make it home in time for the kids. We snuck in a mini-vacation as well.

Yet, that’s only part of it. I was super busy going into the new year, but I still found time to write. Even as we faced the holidays, which are my peak time at work, and potential unemployment and loss of benefits, I still made time to write.

But that isn’t happening now.

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You and me both!

I examined my work-in-progress. Perhaps the story is weak or the characters are flat, but I don’t think that’s it. The hero has been teasing around in my thoughts for a couple of years. The heroine is newer, but I feel like she’s well flushed out. I really get her personality, her background, and her desires. The plot dancing around the romance isn’t as robust as it could be. I’ve spent some time thinking it through, and I’m closer to having all of it nailed down without pigeon-holing my characters.

Remember, the moment I write an outline, the story is dead. But I do know where it’s going. Mostly.

Yet, I still haven’t been applying bottom to chair and making the first draft words happen. Why is that?

Honestly, I’m not sure.

I did recently get a new laptop so I don’t have to be cut-off from the family while writing. Perhaps that’s my issue. I’m less inclined to isolate myself to put words on the page. Apparently, being around other humans, even small ones, steals away my ability to write.

Maybe it’s something else. Something a little deeper.

After two years and three novels, I still have nothing published. Nothing ready to publish. My plan had been to finish the book I’m currently working on and then go back and make the final(?) round of revisions to Crowned Prince before trying to get an agent for it.

Perhaps I should contemplate working on a revision for either of the other two novels I have completed instead. I just don’t want to forget how to write fresh words. It’s a skill, like any other, and must be practiced. And it’s easy for me to get sucked into editing, letting the more analytical side of me take over.

Maybe it’s something else entirely.

Not the doubt demon, not exactly, but sometimes I feel like I’m spinning my wheels.

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I haven’t forgotten you.

I’ve devoted a lot of time to writing for the past two years. I even worked on Christmas, Easter and Thanksgiving. At the end of that time, I have some pixels on a screen, but little else. No agent. No book deal. Not even a manuscript that’s truly ready for an agent.

I’ve worked hard at it, and it feels like I’ve accomplished nothing.

I know me. I know making things happen motivates me. To have spent so much time on something and feel like I have nothing to show for it makes me rethink how I’m spending my time. Makes me question if I should be spending time on this.

I have to remind myself I haven’t really failed yet. I’ve barely tried. A handful of query letters a year ago barely counts as a full effort. And yet…giveup

 

Have you ever found yourself lacking motivation? What did you do to get your motivation back? Did it work?

Change: Unwelcome and Unwanted

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Change is never easy, especially big changes you didn’t choose for yourself that have no real bright side. Changes like you or your spouse being told that your job is being eliminated.

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It’s not something you ever want to hear, but it’s even harder when it’s unexpected. When you thought the position was solid and stable. When you had almost 20 years there, so you actually had a few weeks of vacation and some sick-leave when the kids are ill. When you relied on it for the family’s healthcare.

See, here’s the thing. There is no safety net unless you make one yourself. Unemployment benefits are meager and last six months. There’s no healthcare included, and our other employer’s health insurance is the very minimum required for them to not pay fines.

We’ve been blessed by good fortune and made good choices, so we’ve been able to set-up our life so we can “make-it” without dipping into savings on just one of our salaries. And that same good fortune and good choices have made it possible for us to have savings.

Yes, there will be some belt-tightening, and I’ll be putting off that purchase of a new computer. But we’ll be okay. Our kids will be okay. The biggest thing we’re facing is if anyone gets hurt or sick. But we’ll figure that out if it happens.

And, of course, it’ll mean starting all over and having little-to-no paid time off.

Still, here’s hoping a new position is found quickly.

In the meantime, writing, editing and blogging might become more sporadic, especially as we work through all changes needed in our day-to-day endeavors. I need time to cope, process and plan.  I couldn’t even look at the screen after learning the news. I did, however, escape into a book or three. Ah, escapism!