Elizabeth Drakes's Site

Fantasy Romance

Stress

10 Ways to Conquer Stress and Bring Back Your Creativity

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So, yes, I missed the deadline to have the first draft of A Love of His Own completed. I am still wrestling with it, along with significant work stress. Oh, and we still don’t have a kitchen.

We know stress kills creativity. And, given my current circumstances, it isn’t going anywhere.

stressed

Me during the height of budgeting

So, what can we do about it? How do we tame the stress so our muse will come hang out with us and bring some inspiration along with her?

 

Here are 10 Things “experts” Say Will Reduce Stress

1. Get enough sleep

Because it’s so easy to sleep when you’re already stressed. It’s not like stress causes insomnia or anything. Oh wait.

 

2. Eat Well-Balance meals

Already doing this, though this can also be a source of stress. It’s a lot easier to pick up something on my way home that to spend thirty minutes I don’t have trying to put together a healthy choice. In a non-existent kitchen.

 

3. Limit Alcohol and Caffeine

Gave up both when I was pregnant, and I never started back on either. Very liberating to not need that cup of coffee in the morning, though I was awful to be around for the two months it took to break the habit.

Frankly, I’m not sure if this just transfers your stress from you to your family members as they now have to deal with you without coffee…

 

4. Count to 10 (or 20 or 1,000)

This has helped me when dealing with my children, but not for the bigger things like when those children are ill. Or washing dishes in a bathtub while my youngest insists she must take her bath right now.

 

5. Take Deep Breaths

Okay… Feel like medical science might be stretching a little here.

 

6. Take a time-out.

No, not the kind you give your children.

Although maybe.

They recommend things like practicing yoga, listening to music, meditating, getting a massage, or learning relaxation techniques. According to the experts, stepping back from the problem helps clear your head. Because I totally have time for this! If I did, I might not be as stressed out…

 

7. Learn what triggers your anxiety.

What triggers mine? Not having a kitchen.

Or impossible goals like trying to balance work, children, a spouse, a household, and writing. You know, modern American life.

 

8. Maintain a positive attitude.

I think I actually flipped off the computer monitor when I read this. Mature, I know.

 

9. Get involved.

Volunteer or find another way to be active in your community, which creates a support network and gives you a break from everyday stress. Which totally works because I’m not already stressed over not having enough time meet all my current obligations.

 

10. Welcome humor. A good laugh goes a long way. 

Clearly what some of these coping strategies are. For me, anyway.

 

If nothing else, I suppose it did make me smile a little. Sometimes, science can’t solve all your problems. Although a good contractor would go a long way to solving mine.

 

Something Had to Give

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I have not been nearly as attentive on this site as I would like.

stressed

Work has been insanely busy.

My kitchen still isn’t done. Not being able to use a stove, sink or dishwasher adds a whole new level of stress, especially as we’ve been without them for over thirteen weeks. There has also been an insane amount of stress dealing with contractors. Like when they put our island in crooked, or when they put the cabinets in at the wrong height.

This all hit after a delay in Seducing the Ice Queen because of some vision issues between myself and the cover artist.

Something had to give.

First, it was presence on social media.

Then it was sleep, because I wasn’t doing that anyway with the stress.

Then it was this blog.

Then it was the writing itself.

StruggleIsReal

On a side note, I am lucky in so many other ways.

I am healthy. My family is doing well. We are all safe and together. With the California wildfires still in my thoughts, Sandyhook, and the like, I’m reminded I do have a lot to be grateful for.

And yes, I am slowly getting back into writing. My creativity has taken a beating, but I’m developing some new characters that may make an appearance in future books. Even if they don’t, the exercise of creating them is helping to bring back some of the joy and alleviate some of the stress.

As long as you all aren’t too mad at me for being a bit absent, the worst thing that may come of this is a delay in releasing Knight of Valor.

Well, if you exclude the mess that is my kitchen!

I Made a Mistake.

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It’s called a kitchen remodel.

If I could go back to April and tell myself what I know now so I would avoid this additional stress. So I’d never start this project.

We hired a designer thinking that would help. And while it has, it’s still stressful. Very stressful.

First, our budget is completely blown. At this point, we are literally double what we’d planned. And construction hasn’t yet started. Yes, I did some research ahead of time. You know me. I even made a detailed list of what I thought needed doing and the cost of each. I thought I was estimating high. I was so wrong. So very wrong.

budgetblown.png

Second, they lost six of our cabinets. SIX. How do you lose six cabinets?!? It appears as if an entire pallet walked out of the warehouse. They are still searching for it. We’re considering putting up wanted ads.

Third, I was wrong about the start date. I thought we were setting it after the cabinets arrived… Which led to a frantic rush to get the rest of the materials purchased.

None of which are coming in on time.

Agggggh!

perfectlycalm

Why yes, I am a little stressed.

But I’m still writing.

5 Reasons Why Things Are Stressful and Crazy

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I am beside myself these days, and it’s killing my creativity. Here are five stressors I am trying to control.

  1. Got My Edits Back

I am still new to working with freelance editors. I have in my mind what I think will happen, but so far, it has not been the case. I got the edits back on Seducing the Ice Queen. The editor made some good points, though I wish she would’ve also provided a path to fixing the issues she identified. Simply telling me something is broken is not the same as using experience to give me a nudge into what it would take to fix it. I could also tell she was not as experienced with the romance genre as I would have liked.

At first, the comments were crushing, and I put the novel away for a week. I’ve pondered them a bit more, thinking about some of the areas where she found issue. While I’m not going to change my purple prose, there are some things I can do to make the work better. I doubt I will use this editor again as I think finding a true romance editor would be the best way for me to learn and improve my writing.

editing
Feels like it most days.

 

2. Girls’ Rooms

They are done! I took us a while, especially the last little bits like getting black out blinds made and installed, but their rooms look terrific. Now, to keep them that way.

 

3. House Move

We had talked about moving to a larger home, then decided against it. Not only is a smaller mortgage and lower taxes a nice thing (our property taxes as a % of value of our home are some of the highest in the country), but we quickly discovered that finding a home in the school districts we wanted with trees and a bit of a yard was all but impossible. After seeing what was out there, and the price tags attached, we decided to stay in our current house.

MovingSucks
Maybe not that drastic…

 

4. Fitting Comfortably Into Our House

I know, right? Such troubles, but real enough for us. It’s amazing how much stuff you collect living in the same place for over a decade. Longest time I’ve lived in one place.

So once we decided to stay in our house, we committed to “fitting” into this house. We are going through closets, desks, dressers, the basement, etc. and attempting to do a hard purge. My question to myself and my spouse is, “Would we have paid to move it?”. If the answer is no, it goes in the Goodwill pile. We’ve been very good supporters of Goodwill these days.

 

5. Kitchen Remodel

*ducks*

Yes, you’d think the chaos of fixing up the girls’ rooms would’ve cured me, but I’ve hated out kitchen since we moved into the house. We did a partial remodel 12 years ago, and the company that did it did an awful job. So bad that tile flooring that should last 50 years is already pulling up. Yeah. Bad. That and our cabinets are vintage 1970s. They are not in great shape, and the blind corners make half of the cabinet space unusable. We’ve hired a designer who has put together a lovely plan. Now, we interview contractors… Wish me luck!!

KitchenRemodel

 

Understanding Stress

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I may have been in a bit of mood the other day when I wrote this post.

sarcasm
Sarcasm Level: Master

But, if I put away my skeptic, I can admit that I think it’s important to manage stress. But to manage it, I need to understand what stress is. And I do want to better deal with it, especially as stress kills creativity.  Hard to write Romance with dead creativity.

So, I did some research.

In a nutshell, stress is a physical response. Your body thinks it’s under attack and goes into fight or flight mode. Your body releases a whole bunch of hormones preparing you for physical action.

Despite what we’ve been told, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. During our hunter-gatherer days, this helped us escape from predators or defend ourselves and our tribes.

Where the issue comes is that our bodies haven’t adapted to modern life.

bedtime2
Not if I want to sleep…

A boss with an impossible deadline triggers the same fight or flight mode as a lion trying to eat you. With a lion, we need the physical response to either flee or fight back. But this is not the best reaction in a modern environment. Here, we’d be better served if we our physical response was focused calm so we can at least try to make the deadline.

So, in addition to our evolutionary response not helping us in this situation, it also means we don’t have the opportunity to burn off those stress hormones. Not a lot of running while trying to piece together that report the boss wants. This is what causes the jittery feelings and racing heartbeat.

So, how do we deal with it?

The one thing that’s helped me the most is learning that the racing heartbeat and other aspects of stress are frequently caused by a physical hormonal response. These hormones need to be burned off, and I’ve started doing that by walking.

I try for at least a 30 minute walk at lunch, and this has helped tremendously. I burn off all my pent up stress hormones and come back to the afternoon more focused.

Sometimes, this isn’t enough, and I take a brisk walk through the halls. Other times, I’ll walk out to the lunchroom and back. Something, anything, to get me up, get me moving, and burn those stress hormones.

Now that I know stress is physiological in nature, it helps me deal with it.

My bigger issue is when I don’t have an outlet. While we are now in daylight savings time again, it’s dark when I get up in the morning, it’s dark by the time I get dinner on the table at night.

Better though than two months ago when I seldom saw the sun.

funny-go-work-dark-home-pics

This means walking before work or in the evenings is a no-go at the moment.

I’m still trying to figure something out, especially with the kids. I have a treadmill and an elliptical in our finished basement, but it’s an act of Congress to get down there. Including the negotiating, pleading, and filibustering.

But I am working on it. I started making a play space for them downstairs so that they have something to do other than pester me while I’m trying to listen to an audiobook and burn some stress.

 

What do you do to deal with stress? Do you find it easier to cope with stress with physical activity?

10 Ways to Conquer Stress and Bring Back Your Creativity

by

We know stress kills creativity. And, given modern life, stress isn’t going anywhere.

stressed
Me during the height of budgeting

So, what can we do about it? How do we tame the stress so our muse will come hang out with us and bring some inspiration along with her?

 

Here are 10 Things “experts” Say Will Reduce Stress

1. Get enough sleep

Because it’s so easy to sleep when you’re already stressed. It’s not like stress causes insomnia or anything. Oh wait.

2. Eat Well-Balance meals

Already doing this, though this can also be a source of stress. It’s a lot easier to pick up something on my way home that to spend thirty minutes I don’t have trying to put together a healthy choice.

3. Limit Alcohol and Caffeine

Gave up both when I was pregnant, and I never started back on either. Very liberating to not need that cup of coffee in the morning, though I was awful to be around for the two months it took to break the habit.

Frankly, I’m not sure if this just transfers your stress from you to your family members as they now have to deal with you without coffee…

4. Count to 10 (or 20)

This has helped me when dealing with my children, but not for the bigger things like when those children are ill.

5. Take Deep Breaths

Okay… Feel like medical science might be stretching a little here.

6. Take a time-out.

No, not the kind you give your children.

Although maybe.

They recommend things like practicing yoga, listening to music, meditating, getting a massage, or learning relaxation techniques. According to the experts, stepping back from the problem helps clear your head. Because I totally have time for this! If I did, I might not be as stressed out…

7. Learn what triggers your anxiety.

What triggers mine? Impossible goals like trying to balance work, children, a spouse, a household, and writing. You know, modern American life.

8. Maintain a positive attitude.

I think I actually flipped off the computer monitor when I read this. Mature, I know.

9. Get involved.

Volunteer or find another way to be active in your community, which creates a support network and gives you a break from everyday stress. Which totally works because I’m not already stressed over not having enough time meet all my current obligations.

10. Welcome humor. A good laugh goes a long way. 

Clearly what some of these coping strategies are. For me, anyway. Though, it’s not exactly funny as this helped me very little.

 

If nothing else, I suppose it did make me smile a little. Sometimes, science can’t solve all your problems.