I am supposed to be doing yet another revision then packaging up my manuscript for submission. Again.
It didn’t start out as a terrible revision. Give the heroine a bit more backstory and a secret about what she did to survive as a serf in a land ruled by undead. Make the hero want more than just to take her to safety. Make him want to know the ins and outs of how the home she’s escaping from works to give his side an advantage should it come to war.
Seemed easy enough.
Then I started worrying that maybe the hero came off as too soft and needed to make sure his alpha characteristics came through. Also doable.
But I don’t wanna. I just don’t.
Sure, I spend my hour a day sitting in front of the computer screen, but it’s not the same. I feel like my creativity disappeared and took any desire I had to write with it. I used to skip off to my laptop after the kids were in bed and try to snitch a few extra minutes here and there. Now, I boot up Word and just sort of look at it before letting Time Thieves steal into my thoughts.
- DD could use a new raincoat. And maybe a swimsuit for this summer.
- Do I need to put another order in for diapers for the baby?
- Ooooh, MacBook in rose gold with the new skylake processor. I need a new laptop. When does the MacBook pro come out with skylake?
I’d love to give you three steps I used to get my mojo back, but I haven’t found them yet.
DH asked me why I write. I have thought long and hard about it, and I don’t know. It’s a lot of work. Hours and hours of work. I have been writing on and off since I was a kid. I write for a while, get discouraged and put it away, only to bring it out again years later.
So why do I get discouraged? I have finished several novels in my lifetime. None of them published.
And there it is.
All this work, all this effort, and never the validation that its even worth someone else reading.
I “know” publishing isn’t the end all and be all of being a writer, but it is a part of it. How many artists would spend 150 hours or more on a painting only to stuff it in a closet for no one to see?
I’d love to give you a list of what I’ve done to get back my mojo. I don’t have one yet. But here are:
Three Things I’m Doing When I Just Don’t Wanna Write Anymore
- Sit at the computer every night – I am still spending my hour working on my manuscript every night. No, it’s not as productive as it was, but I don’t want to lose this hour I’ve carved out for myself
- Read More – I’m still a much bigger fan of printed books than ebooks, but I am learning to be okay with ebooks because there are so many more titles available for them. I then went and bought (read some, still reading others) a couple of books I normally wouldn’t have. Thinking through what I like and don’t like about a new-to-me author has helped me think about some of own work in a different way.
- Exercising – I still have issues with the ankle I broke back in November and am starting physical therapy for it. Part of this process included the doctor giving me clearance for low impact exercise, so I can now walk or use my elliptical again. If I’m on the elliptical, I read. If I walk, I chat with DH or just let myself think.