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parenting

Family: Another Reason Why Parenting Is So Hard

June 24, 2020 by Elizabeth Drake

As you may already know, I have two children, both girls, both amazing. But so very different. This has really been brought home to me over COVID as we are home together a lot.

The differences between them were really brought home when my two children wanted to lay on the recliner. My oldest child inspected the recliner, circling it, looking underneath it. She pushed on it, trying to get it to lay back. As she sat there staring at it, my younger daughter walked up to the chair, pulled the handle, and reclined it.

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My oldest has told us a tomato is a fruit and explained why.

If you play D&D, my older daughter is a wizard. She is incredibly intelligent and hard-working. She decided she was going to read shortly after her sister was born as her father and I had a lot less time to read to her. And she did it. She was reading before she started 4K, and she was reading easy chapter books in kindergarten. She loves Rick Riordan despite being in early elementary school, and she will talk your ear off about any of his series. Her math skills match, and her teacher already has her working on simple algebra, decimals, and fractions.

But, she can’t work a recliner. We also had to put her in a series of extracurricular activities in hopes of her having at least an average amount of grace (dex) and strength. Which have had varying degrees of success. She still struggled to open the wrapper on her granola bar.

Then there’s her sister, who we expected to be similar. Same parents. Same house. Right? Wrong.

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Yep.

She is far more like a cleric than a wizard. She’s the one that pulls the handle on the recliner to make it recline. She’s also the one that when she can’t open the granola bar wrapper, gets the scissors off my desk and cuts it open. Yeah, she’s not yet in kindergarten.

She can also be brilliant, but whereas my older child is extremely motivated, my younger one is… not. She’s more like a diesel locomotive. Completely inert unless you motivate her. Even then, it’s a slow steady crawl at first. But once she decides she wants it and gets going? Whoooboy. Not much will stop her. The trick is figuring out how to motivate that diesel locomotive. Which I have not yet learned.

She is also incredibly creative. In Minecraft, she has built these elaborate worlds within worlds. She was explaining them to me the other night, and I was fascinated. So cool, so pure, in a completely uncomplicated way. Then, if you ever listen to her play, her imagination is amazing. She was explaining to me this whole fairy world and how the one had “the blood of the snow”. I still don’t know what that means, but it sounds cool.

Parenting is the hardest thing ever. Just when you think you’ve figured something out, they prove you wrong. But it is an interesting ride.

Filed Under: Family, Uncategorized Tagged With: COVID, COVID-19, Family, intelligence, Kids, Motivation, parenting, wisdom

Family: Parenting Is Hard. Especially for an Introvert

August 15, 2019 by Elizabeth Drake

Not that I thought parenting was going to be easy, but it is so much harder than I thought it was going to be.

I love my kids. I love snuggling with them, hearing about their days, and seeing them grow as people. They are amazing.

But I honestly think parenting is even harder if you are an introvert.

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I understand why 1950s moms drank.

I’ve learned to tolerate the hour a day it takes to pick them up from school.

I still dislike sitting through dance class week after week, but I manage, mostly because I plan ahead with books and snacks for the child stuck sitting with me.

Then there is all the other things you have to remember to do, like buying new fall jackets after they lost theirs at the zoo. Or, just in general, noticing their pants are getting too short or they need new socks and underwear. There’s the yearly purchase of winter gear etc.

These are all things I can handle. I may not be good at them, but I an handle them.

Then there are other things that you feel obligated to do because kids should experience them even if you would really rather not. Really, really rather not.

Like the children’s museum.

Or a water park.

Or state fair.

I hate crowds. Hate them.

Too many people. Too much noise. Too many distractions.

I feel overloaded.

Add to that trying to keep track of two children in the middle of all of that, one who wants to go, go, go, and the other who wants to walk slowly and observe everything and you have an introvert’s nightmare.

This was brought home to me when I made the mistake of going to the state fair with my husband and kids.

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And your sanity.

Before children, we never went to the state fair. It was of no interest to us. Then some friends invited us to go with and bring the girls. My husband took them, and I stayed home. My allergies thanked me, and he and the kids had a great time, and I got some quiet alone time. Win-win.

Then this year there was a spate of shootings right before they went to the fair.

Fueled by fear, I begged my husband not to take the kids. The last place I wanted them to be was another large public venue.

He said he wouldn’t live life in fear, he’d promised the kids the fair, and they were going with our friends.

I am not entirely certain why I chose to go other than fear. Fear that I wouldn’t be there to protect my little ones if the unthinkable happened. Not that I could do much other than throw myself over top of them, but it still seemed like a smart idea in our quiet home that morning.

It wasn’t a good idea.

The fair is everything I hate.

Hot. Crowded. Overstimulated and Bored.

Overstimulated.png
Me and both my children.

Is that possible to be overstimulated and bored at the same time?

I wouldn’t have thought so, but it is. I felt assaulted by smells from food vendors, noise from the crowds and bands, and the visual panoply of booths, rides, and people. Add to that the heat, the low grade fear from the evening news, and the very real need to keep a close eye on two energetic kids.

But none of this entertained me.

I couldn’t enjoy my time with our friends as I was too stressed. Sitting and waiting for my kids to get off of rides was not exactly exciting. And the heat made eating less desirable. Even when I was hungry, nothing tasted all that good because of the assault of smells from everything else.

Still, I tried my best to give my kids a great time. This was made all the more difficult by not knowing what to expect, so being unprepared for it.

My husband is great at going with the flow of things, and I figured he had everything all set for the big day.

Love him dearly, but no.

I will stick to what I am better at.

Next year, when/if he takes the kids, I will stay home. I will make sure he has enough cash, sunscreen, and water bottles packed in a backpack. I will make sure he has tickets and ride bracelets. I will make sure they have a spectacular time.

While I enjoy the quiet.

I accept I am an introvert. This means there are some thing I won;t be able to give my kids other parents can. I also think this means we are not doing Disney.

Filed Under: Family, Uncategorized Tagged With: children, dance, Introvert, Kids, Museum, parenting, Romance Writer, State Fair, Water Park

The Constancy of Change

January 24, 2019 by Elizabeth Drake

On my way into work on a blustery cold morning without a spec of sunlight yet pinking the horizon, I succumbed to a bit of wistfulness as I drove past houses that didn’t yet have their lights on.

Back in 2011, that would’ve been me.

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Calm and tranquil

My husband and I both shower at night because of my allergies, so we could get up at 7:15 am, enjoy a cup of coffee and our breakfast smoothie while we watched the birds and squirrels in our backyard. We even bought bird feeders and heated bird baths to bring more creatures to our yard.

We then left for work at 7:50 am, each of us making it to work with plenty of time to spare. No rush. No frantic frenzy.

I didn’t bother packing a lunch because I lived close to work and came home every day. My husband made his lunch in less than five minutes.

At night, we made supper in a leisurely fashion, ate in front of the TV, and gamed or read books for the rest of the evening. We considered 11 pm a reasonable bedtime, though 11:30 or midnight was not uncommon. Weekends saw us indulging in our night owl preferences, and we’d regularly go to bed at 2 am then sleep until 10 am.

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We used to know great-horned owls were nesting in our backyard because we listened to them on weekends.

I start work now before I was even awake back in 2011. My husband and I get up at 5:15 am because there are four lunches to pack. We have to make sure the kids are dressed, their hair combed, and they eat breakfast. Backpacks to remember and the car to load.

I then head to work while my husband finishes up the morning routine, wrangles the kids into the car, and drives them to school.

While I start work earlier than I ever have, I don’t get home much earlier as I have pick-up duty. As hard as the kids are to get into the car and off to school, they are equally hard to gather up and bring home.

Then comes the emptying of lunches, going through paperwork from school, and making dinner while I fuss at the oldest to do her homework.

DoYourHomework
Please.

Why does a 1st grader even have homework?!?

Our house is anything but quiet ever. Once we could hear owls hoot. Now, we’d be lucky to hear a locomotive driving down our street.

There are also a lot more hugs, a lot more cuddles, and a lot more love.

Things may be hectic and messy, and I will never fit in with the dance moms, but the noise and chaos are part of this phase of our life. A part of having young children. And while I will never like mornings, I do love the grin on my daughter’s face as she runs out to hug me when she wakes up.

So many changes.

Makes me wonder what life will look like in 2025.

I’m guessing more changes.

Filed Under: Change, Time Tagged With: bedtime, change, mornings, not a morning person, not as young as I used to be, parenting, time, Work-life balance

How to Not Set Goals

April 5, 2018 by Elizabeth Drake

Goals are important. They are how you turn dreams into reality, breaking down the ephemeral into manageable tasks.

But I set my goals a little too aggressively in March.

goals3
Every year at the day job.

Sometimes, when you are so focused on achieving something, you can forget other obligations.

I released a book in early April. You can check it out here. It was the culmination of a lifetime goal.

I started writing my first novel when I was ten. I still remember the teal blue spiral notebook that housed that first book. I had planned to publish it before I was twelve, because I was awesome.

How I wish I had the confidence now I had then!

As excited as I was to release this book out into the wild (and nervous), it was a lot of work. On top of that, I was trying to write 1.5k words a day on a new WIP, work a demanding full time job, and be a parent and spouse.

Yeah, some things fell down.

I will never be Mom of the Year, but I could’ve been a lot a better.

6yopoet
Sadly.

I will never be a perfect wife. Ever.

I will never be tracked as a “superstar” where I work. I just won’t put in enough hours, which is interesting when I think of all of the hours I’ve poured into writing novels.

But, I do need to figure out a better way to fit writing into my life. I love telling stories, though the act of writing itself is work. Hard work.

But I have this tendency to throw myself fully into whatever I’m doing when what I need is balance.

So, I’m sorting through that at the moment.

I finished a story I think of as Logan and Rita. Catchy title, I know, but it’s a fresh first draft. It’ll get better. I promise.

Now, to put my editing cape back on. And by cape I mean my comfy jammies with the most amazing LL Bean slippers. I need to figure out a pace I can manage with my children, spouse and job.

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But he still gets there.

Not sure what that is yet, but I’m not giving up on my Winter 2018 time frame for How to Love a Duchess.

 

 

 

Filed Under: Goals, Uncategorized Tagged With: Goals, Mom of the Year, parenting, released a book, Romance Novels, Romance Writer

“Oh, Momma Look!” Never Ends Well

October 11, 2017 by Elizabeth Drake

At least, it never ends well for me.

So, when we were at Home Depot of all places, and that come out of my daughter’s mouth, I knew I was really in trouble.

What had caught her attention? An eleven foot dragon. Yeah, she’s totally my kid.

dragon1
This one.

I have to admit, she has good taste. But it looked HUGE in Home Depot. I couldn’t imagine how big it would be on our suburban front lawn.

Of course, she reminds me that we have no other decorations. Which, she’s not wrong. I don’t suppose the three little pumpkin walkway lights really count. I love watching the kids dress up at Halloween, but I hate anything macabre. You can keep your ghosts, skeletons and dead brides, thank you very much!

But she’s now at the age where she really wants to decorate for the holidays. Unlike my husband and I who were known to go without even a Christmas tree before we had kids.

I told her I’d think about it, hoping she’d forget. Of course she didn’t forget, and she reminded me about it for the next two weeks.

So, we went back to get the eleven foot dragon. When we got to Home Depot, the thing was sold out. Even the floor model was gone. This was back at the end of September, and I was shocked. A quick search with my phone showed no other Home Depots with guaranteed stock in the area. But I could still get it online.

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Thank goodness!

So, I assuage my daughter’s crushing disappointment that she isn’t getting it that day with the fact that it will arrive in three to five days and we probably wouldn’t have had time to put it up that weekend anyway. She trudges back to the car, but at least I got her out of the store without a scene. There’s more than one reason why I do so much shopping online!.

The dragon arrived, my husband put it up for her, and she is now totally excited. So excited, in fact, that when she and her sister saw the dragon deflated the next morning on the way to school, they both were super insistent that I needed to “fix” the dragon.

Raising a pair of dragon lovers. Couldn’t be more proud!

 

Do you decorate for Halloween? If so, do you go all out, or were you like us with our three little pumpkins? Any of your neighbors go all out? What’s the best or worst display you’ve seen?

Filed Under: Halloween, Uncategorized Tagged With: Christmas, Christmas tree, decorate, dragon, Dragons, Halloween, kids never forget, online shopping, parenting

Taking Time to Unplug

August 16, 2017 by Elizabeth Drake

It’s Sunday night, and the family is getting ready to go back to our work schedule. I’m trying to get dinner ready while sneaking in a few more words, and DH and DD1 are trying to enjoy a game together.

Enter DD2.

She is angry and upset, crying for no apparent reason. We’re all testy with her. She cries harder.

One of our cats has had made a mess, and DH is irritated as he gets the vacuum to clean it up. Terror sparks in DD2’s eyes as she sees the dreaded vacuum. I put my iPad away, gather her up, and carry her to our bedroom.

Her tears instantly dry up as we lay on the bed together and play silly games of counting her toes, getting tickled (we took turns tickling each other), and just laying together with her head on my shoulder.

Her laughter and giggles made my night.

disconnect1
Or trying to understand and bond with a toddler?

Holding that in my heart, I cuddled with DD1 before work Monday morning. She is getting so big, but she still likes snuggles. For now. We talked a little, but she mostly just wanted to be held.

I’m starting to feel like the whole family is too busy, but not busy with the right things. Time goes by so fast now. I was looking at pictures of DD1 when she was just a few days old. Hard to believe that was almost six years ago. It seems like only last year we were bringing her home and learning what it was really like to have an infant in the house.

I need to slow down. Make connections. Build a relationship with my girls, and strengthen the one I have with DH.

Writing is a part of the equation. I really shouldn’t have been trying to sneak in words. But there’s more to it. I feel like my family has all become too reliant on technology for entertainment. We need to unplug.

disconnect2
Not this bad. Yet.

Bored? We turn on Netflix or Amazon, and we don’t even have to sit through commercials. Open the iPad or Kindle. Pull out your phone. A lot of this isn’t deeply entertaining, but the companies know how to lure us how. How to grab our attention and keep it. How many times has boredom had me checking my phone for a quick fix rather than getting up and actually doing something meaningful?

I got so consumed with these distractions that I got annoyed with my beautiful and amazing toddler rather than giving her the love and attention she both wants and needs.

A part of me wants to give away all of the electronics, but that’s just not reasonable.

Still, I need to find a way to unplug and disconnect more, help my family unplug more, so that we can really connect. So that we spend more time counting toes and less time staring at screens. I just don’t know how.

 

How about you? Ever tried to unplug? What did you do? How did it work? Ever try to unplug your whole family? What did you do? How did it work?

Filed Under: Family, Uncategorized Tagged With: Amazon, Bored, netflix, parenting, Toddler, Unplug, Writing

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