Elizabeth Drakes's Site

Fantasy Romance

Family

Update: I am Back

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You may have noticed the micro fictions have resumed.

I am back.

Mostly.

So many things have happened, but it really is the same story retold. 

I spread myself too thin, then crashed.

While writing is my passion, it has to be to spend hundreds of hours with make-believe characters, it is not my day job. And my day job supports my family. A day job I enjoy. Mostly. It gets a little too stressful from time to time, but I think that is true of all of corporate America.

And true of me.

I strive for perfection and get frustrated when I don’t achieve it.

So, when a slew of things came at me at once, I buckled because I could not do them all to the level I wanted. I needed to step away and take stock.

Finally, I did.

And I recharged myself with time with my family. My daughter and I played the new Legend of Zelda Age of Calamity. If you are a fan of the series, I highly recommend it. I was not expecting it to be so good or so satisfying. And it was fun to be able to play two player with her.

Later, we hooked our laptop up to our TV, and this has opened a world of games for us to explore. My husband has found some interesting indie games, and with Steam, it’s easier than ever to try things we can play as a group.


I have learned we are a family of “pick your own adventure” movie watchers. We like games with story where we can decide what happens, but we want a strong story.

And we want choice. Or at least the illusion of choice.

And we want a happily-ever-after. Do not mess with us on that. Looking at you, Mass Effect. Yeah, I know how long ago it was. And I still haven’t forgiven them.

I was trying to ease back into posting again, and the orb series came to me.

So I wrote it. And now it won’t leave me.

*sigh*

If I had infinite time, it would become its own series. I have some fun ideas for several characters, romances, a hero’s journey, and villains.

I suppose the one thing I’ve never had to worry about is my next project.

Family: Another Reason Why Parenting Is So Hard

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As you may already know, I have two children, both girls, both amazing. But so very different. This has really been brought home to me over COVID as we are home together a lot.

The differences between them were really brought home when my two children wanted to lay on the recliner. My oldest child inspected the recliner, circling it, looking underneath it. She pushed on it, trying to get it to lay back. As she sat there staring at it, my younger daughter walked up to the chair, pulled the handle, and reclined it.

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My oldest has told us a tomato is a fruit and explained why.

If you play D&D, my older daughter is a wizard. She is incredibly intelligent and hard-working. She decided she was going to read shortly after her sister was born as her father and I had a lot less time to read to her. And she did it. She was reading before she started 4K, and she was reading easy chapter books in kindergarten. She loves Rick Riordan despite being in early elementary school, and she will talk your ear off about any of his series. Her math skills match, and her teacher already has her working on simple algebra, decimals, and fractions.

But, she can’t work a recliner. We also had to put her in a series of extracurricular activities in hopes of her having at least an average amount of grace (dex) and strength. Which have had varying degrees of success. She still struggled to open the wrapper on her granola bar.

Then there’s her sister, who we expected to be similar. Same parents. Same house. Right? Wrong.

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Yep.

She is far more like a cleric than a wizard. She’s the one that pulls the handle on the recliner to make it recline. She’s also the one that when she can’t open the granola bar wrapper, gets the scissors off my desk and cuts it open. Yeah, she’s not yet in kindergarten.

She can also be brilliant, but whereas my older child is extremely motivated, my younger one is… not. She’s more like a diesel locomotive. Completely inert unless you motivate her. Even then, it’s a slow steady crawl at first. But once she decides she wants it and gets going? Whoooboy. Not much will stop her. The trick is figuring out how to motivate that diesel locomotive. Which I have not yet learned.

She is also incredibly creative. In Minecraft, she has built these elaborate worlds within worlds. She was explaining them to me the other night, and I was fascinated. So cool, so pure, in a completely uncomplicated way. Then, if you ever listen to her play, her imagination is amazing. She was explaining to me this whole fairy world and how the one had “the blood of the snow”. I still don’t know what that means, but it sounds cool.

Parenting is the hardest thing ever. Just when you think you’ve figured something out, they prove you wrong. But it is an interesting ride.

Family: 2020 Mom

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Yes, I am a 2020 Mom.

That has meant a lot of time home with my children this year. More than I have ever had.

I work full time, and while I say I would have liked to stay home with my children, I think that is a lie perpetuated by society.

I love my kids. A lot. I would do a lot for them, including take them to dance class.

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Some are nice, but the mean ones are really mean.

I do not think I am cut out to be a stay-at-home mom. I give those who can do it kudos, but it isn’t for me. And that’s okay. I happen to really enjoy financial modeling, and that isn’t for everyone, either.

I thought this safer-at-home period would make things better. No requests from teachers to come in on a Friday morning to help set-up binders (I do have to wonder how schools would function without the amount of unpaid labor they get from volunteers).

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Seriously, give me your supply list and I will help out, but do NOT ask me to do arts and crafts with my kids.

Except now it seems like the whole world has a lot of time on their hands while I am busier than ever. My day job is crazy right now, but the sheer number of projects coming at us from school, family members, and even extracurricular activities has been mind-boggling.

I truly don’t have time to learn to a dance, study a foreign language, or develop video editing skills. I have been feeling lucky to get up enough energy to even sit down at my computer to maybe write a little at night after my children go to bed.

I’ve talked about stress and creativity before, and none of my tips and tricks to reduce stress have worked very well. I have cut myself off from most news, but I am still really struggling to stay positive and focused on more creative endeavors.

And the guilt of “am I spending enough time with my children” or “am I doing enough for my family” always rears its head.

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Because you must feel bad if you are not learning to code with your child.

Some of this is in my head, but I know that writing takes time. I am trying to maintain a reasonable cadence, and that means making time to actually write.

One thing is for certain, I have gotten very good at tuning out Breath of the Wild while my children play it and I try to sneak in another 45 minutes of writing time.

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Three years later, it’s still an awesome game.

COVID-19

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Everyone is talking about COVID-19, at least where I work. Our global supply chain is interrupted. We’ve stopped all travel, even domestic travel in the US. No one is allowed to shake hands, and there are hand-sanitizer stations every 10 feet.

I don’t really have anything to say that hasn’t already been splashed across the news.

I had a whole post on this, then everything changed.

Yes, we had already made a few changes because of it.

For example, we canceled all our vacation plans as they would’ve taken us to a high-risk area. We are currently trying to figure out what to do on our week of vacation that will be fun but not in large public spaces. My kids like the idea of unlimited video game time. I may not say “no”.

Animal Crossing
They’re angling for this. Suddenly, screen time doesn’t seem so bad.

No, a cruise was never in the plans. I can honestly say I had never liked the idea of a cruise ship. Not surprising that I, as an introvert, would not want to be in tight quarters with thousands of people I don’t know. After everything that has happened, I can all but guarantee I will never go on a cruise. Ever.

It’s a scary time, made worse by the misinformation and fear-mongering.

I had taken some other precautions. I bought extra fever reducer and allergy medicine in the event of supply disruption when we would most need them. I picked up an extra jar of peanut butter and some rice and beans. I had planned to keep picking up a little bit more each week on my grocery runs until we have two weeks of non-perishable food on hand in the event of quarantine.

When this is over, we’d just incorporate it into our regular meal rotation if we don’t use it.

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No, I didn’t buy 12 years worth.

I knew others are doing a lot more, but we were trying to be smart without giving into fear. Maybe I was not as terrified as others as I actually have colleagues in China. While not in the Hubei province, they are within a four-hour train ride of the epicenter, and they were on all but lock-down for a month. Yes, it was hard, but they and their families are all okay.

And then everything changed.

Our governor declared a state of emergency. All events with more than a certain number of attendees were canceled.

Our federal government declared an emergency.

Our state further acted on emergency measures and canceled all public and private schools for the next month.

Grocery stores are empty.

My work went from a, “we are not allowing telecommuting” policy to an urgent e-mail over the weekend asking anyone who can telecommute to do so for the next few weeks.

Trying to stick to prepare but not panic mode. Trying to be the rock for my department as I called each of them over the weekend to explain all that was happening, what they needed to do today, and to try to keep them from panicking.

There really is little more I can do. So I’m losing myself in my pretend worlds. Both reading and writing. Playing a bit of Outer Worlds (which is like Fallout is space. Highly recommend it so far).

And reminding myself of the Chinese curse, “May you live in interesting times.”

My characters are calling it karma for all I have done to them. But I did give them all a happily-ever-after, so let’s hope it is karma.

 

The Worst Kind of News

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We received the worst kind of news.

What we thought was a sinus infection wasn’t. Our kitty has malignant cancer. Inoperable. Untreatable.

He will be five in December. He has grown up with my daughters. Made them laugh. Frustrated them. Been a part of the family.

I can’t believe we don’t have more time with him. He’s still so kitten-like in so many ways. Even now, he plays with his foil balls when he as the energy.

By the time you read this, he may well be gone. They have given us a week to six months for him, but I can already see the decline.

After losing our last cat, I didn’t want to get close again. Didn’t want to go through this again. I kept telling myself and my husband it was his cat. He was the one that got him, it was his cat.

But we both knew the truth as the cat curled up on my lap night after night. And denying it hasn’t helped lessen the pain at all.

I sit with him flopped across me, as he loves to do, with my laptop beside me. Wishing we had more time. Wishing it didn’t hurt so much. Wishing for answers that will never come.

Family: Parenting Is Hard. Especially for an Introvert

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Not that I thought parenting was going to be easy, but it is so much harder than I thought it was going to be.

I love my kids. I love snuggling with them, hearing about their days, and seeing them grow as people. They are amazing.

But I honestly think parenting is even harder if you are an introvert.

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I understand why 1950s moms drank.

I’ve learned to tolerate the hour a day it takes to pick them up from school.

I still dislike sitting through dance class week after week, but I manage, mostly because I plan ahead with books and snacks for the child stuck sitting with me.

Then there is all the other things you have to remember to do, like buying new fall jackets after they lost theirs at the zoo. Or, just in general, noticing their pants are getting too short or they need new socks and underwear. There’s the yearly purchase of winter gear etc.

These are all things I can handle. I may not be good at them, but I an handle them.

Then there are other things that you feel obligated to do because kids should experience them even if you would really rather not. Really, really rather not.

Like the children’s museum.

Or a water park.

Or state fair.

I hate crowds. Hate them.

Too many people. Too much noise. Too many distractions.

I feel overloaded.

Add to that trying to keep track of two children in the middle of all of that, one who wants to go, go, go, and the other who wants to walk slowly and observe everything and you have an introvert’s nightmare.

This was brought home to me when I made the mistake of going to the state fair with my husband and kids.

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And your sanity.

Before children, we never went to the state fair. It was of no interest to us. Then some friends invited us to go with and bring the girls. My husband took them, and I stayed home. My allergies thanked me, and he and the kids had a great time, and I got some quiet alone time. Win-win.

Then this year there was a spate of shootings right before they went to the fair.

Fueled by fear, I begged my husband not to take the kids. The last place I wanted them to be was another large public venue.

He said he wouldn’t live life in fear, he’d promised the kids the fair, and they were going with our friends.

I am not entirely certain why I chose to go other than fear. Fear that I wouldn’t be there to protect my little ones if the unthinkable happened. Not that I could do much other than throw myself over top of them, but it still seemed like a smart idea in our quiet home that morning.

It wasn’t a good idea.

The fair is everything I hate.

Hot. Crowded. Overstimulated and Bored.

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Me and both my children.

Is that possible to be overstimulated and bored at the same time?

I wouldn’t have thought so, but it is. I felt assaulted by smells from food vendors, noise from the crowds and bands, and the visual panoply of booths, rides, and people. Add to that the heat, the low grade fear from the evening news, and the very real need to keep a close eye on two energetic kids.

But none of this entertained me.

I couldn’t enjoy my time with our friends as I was too stressed. Sitting and waiting for my kids to get off of rides was not exactly exciting. And the heat made eating less desirable. Even when I was hungry, nothing tasted all that good because of the assault of smells from everything else.

Still, I tried my best to give my kids a great time. This was made all the more difficult by not knowing what to expect, so being unprepared for it.

My husband is great at going with the flow of things, and I figured he had everything all set for the big day.

Love him dearly, but no.

I will stick to what I am better at.

Next year, when/if he takes the kids, I will stay home. I will make sure he has enough cash, sunscreen, and water bottles packed in a backpack. I will make sure he has tickets and ride bracelets. I will make sure they have a spectacular time.

While I enjoy the quiet.

I accept I am an introvert. This means there are some thing I won;t be able to give my kids other parents can. I also think this means we are not doing Disney.