I am burned out.
I have been burning the candle at both ends, and as so many have said before, you can’t do that forever.
I’m a mom, corporate employee, spouse, writer, and person who exercises.
I just can’t be all of it the way I want all the time, and I’m paying the price.
I am no longer finding joy in writing.
I’m finding less happiness in blogging.
All of the branding and social media is exhausting. A more extroverted person might not find it so, but that’s not me. Few writers seem to be natural extroverts, though they do exist, and this whole use of personality to connect with readers is starting to seem spurious at best.
So, I unplugged. I took several days off of all social media, and no one missed me. Makes me think social media is a lot less social than its name implies.
I haven’t exercised in over a week.
Rather than feeling tired and run down, I’m actually feeling better. Maybe the break was needed.
I haven’t written in 5 days. Not even over the weekend. It felt good.
No guilt at sneaking in a few words while the kids were playing or while I was doing housework. No race to the computer once the kids were in bed.
I don’t know what this means for me long term. Perhaps it’s the wake-up call I need to get my priorities straight and realize I can’t do everything I want and need to do.
I’ve spent the last 2.5 years working on my writing. The last 1.5 years adding a blog and other social branding to the mix. I have yet to publish a book. I don’t even have an agent.
A growing part of me says to self-publish and be done. Put the work I’ve already done out there and walk away. But I can’t do that without feeling disingenuous.
If my self-published work fails, which it most likely will, I won’t know how it could have done if I pushed forward and kept up the branding. If I had a back list. Or if I’d tried, really tried, and succeeded in landing a publisher like Avon that know the Romance market.
I’ve walked away from writing before. Many times before. It demands so much, and there are so many other things in life that need me.
Perhaps I just need a break. A chance to catch my breath. To ignore my muse for a while so she’ll want to come back (she can be fickle like that).
Or maybe I need to take a long break and ease back. I already know I will never be a full time writer. We depend on my corporate America income.
Have you ever come to a point where you know something has to give? Where you’re feeling frazzled, burned out, and like you aren’t always present in the moment? What did you do about it? What choices did you make? How did you deal with it?