8 Things I've Learned About Being a Writer

The one thing about us writers is, well, we write. I’ve been writing on-and-off since I was twelve, but I’ve been known to put it down altogether for long stretches.

Perhaps you’ve even put it aside from time to time, too.

For me, the longest I stopped writing was when we decided to start a family. There was an amazing amount to do to get our lives ready and *so* much to read.

Why don’t babies actually follow what’s in the books?!?  Do you know how many times I showed my infant what the “experts” had written as she continued to never sleep unless she was being held?


Even with all this preparation, we were totally unprepared for the realities of being parents.

I fell into the routine many new mothers do and spent very little time on myself. If I wasn’t at work, I was with our little one.

After my second daughter was born, I watched a lot of TED talks. They were interesting, and they didn’t mess with my new-mom emotions. This one by Larry Smith , convinced me to start writing again. I literally got an old notebook that afternoon and started jotting down ideas.

I attempted to write that story. I mapped it all out, complete with plot and character outlines, applied bottom to chair, and churned out 50k words in five months.

Then shelved it.

The characters weren’t working. The plot was there but forced, even though I’d diligently followed my outlines.

Except, you know, when they don’t.

I tried revising it, but my hero would’ve rolled his eyes at me if he could. It wasn’t his story. I’d been so busy sticking to my plot-points and outlines that I hadn’t listened to the characters.

I gave up and started a new novel. I plotted nothing. I let the story unfold as I wrote it. I completed the first 50k draft in three months. It was a rough first draft. Very, very rough. But it worked, and I loved the characters. I wanted to see them get together.

I still remember the climactic ending coming to me as I was driving to work after dropping the kids off at daycare, and I had to pull the car over and write it down before I forgot it. That’s when I knew the story was really working.

I’ve managed to write three more full novels in the year-and-a-half since, in addition to my full-time day-job, blogging, and two small children. Here’s what’s worked for me:


  1. Write Every Day – I’d originally thought the more I wrote, the more burned out I’d get. Not true. It’s amazing how creativity inspires more creativity. Writing is a skill, just like anything else. The more you do it, the better you’ll be. Sure, I can still get on a bike and pedal it, but teaching my oldest child to ride a bike made me realize that the elliptical machine does not keep you in shape for bike riding.


  1. Carve out Writing Time and Defend It (Even from Yourself) – My spouse has been amazingly supportive of me getting back into writing, and he’s agreed to be the primary parent for an hour each night after the kids are supposed to be in bed (yeah, you other parents out there know that’s a big “supposed to”). But if I spend that hour surfing the net, I’m stealing the time from my writing as surely as my daughter is stealing my patience when she comes out for her third cup of water.


  1. Keep a Notebook – my mind does amazing things while I’m walking, driving, or when I first get up in the morning. But those thoughts will dissipate like fog in the noon sun the moment I get back inside, the engine turns off, or I swing my legs out of bed. I need a notebook to write these amazing bits of creativity down. My phone works well for this, too.


  1. Perfection Is the Enemy – get that rough draft down on paper. If you want to make changes, make a note of it and keep going. You can polish a rough draft. There’s nothing you can do with a blank page. Finish the story. Crappy is still done and gives you a place to start rewriting.


  1. Give Yourself a Couple of Months Before You Edit – This is one of the biggest things I learned with my first completed story. I was too close to the characters, the plot, and even the writing itself. I spent a lot of time “editing” that was really just patting myself on the back for what I’d written. When I went back and looked at it two months later, I had a much clearer view of what needed help.


  1. Find a Good Beta Reader – a good beta reader is worth their weight in Starbucks. They’ll help you see plot holes, character issues, and other things you’re too invested in your book to see. If you’ve got a good beta reader, of course you’re going to follow their advice even if it means a painful rewrite.


  1. Read, but Read Critically – Lots of writing advice says you have to read a lot to be a good writer. I think this is over-simplified. Reading is helpful only if you take the time to figure out why one author engages you but another doesn’t. Why do you like a character, hate them, or think they’re too stupid to breathe? Why are you on the edge of your seat reading this thriller but not that one?


  1. Take What Works for You and Toss out the Rest. Writing is a creative endeavor. What inspires my muse may drive yours away. Some writers swear by an outline, whereas it brings out my type A personality.



How about you? Any good writing tips you’d like to share? Anything that’s worked for you? Anything that hasn’t?


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10 thoughts on “8 Things I've Learned About Being a Writer

  1. The following has worked me:

    1.) Do as much pre-work as possible. In Scrivener I have templates for different size word counts for novels. Each of these templates are based (except on novella less than 30,000 words) 25 chapters, and the word counts divided evenly between the chapters. Each five chapters are are labeled with a color, so when I look at the Binder I have a visual of where each new part starts and end. For instance, the first five chapters are character establishment, world building and presentation of character’s dilemma. And so on through the story structure.

    2.) I have an Excel spreadsheet that I use for outlining. Generally I hate outlining and don’t want to spend much time on it. But the spreadsheet lets me know what kinds of events have to hit each chapter.

    3.) As you’ve pointed out schedule time for your writing. But it is helpful to schedule your day as well. How much you plan to have written is a good motivator to put away the social media. But also you need to schedule personal things like the gym and food shopping.

    Happy Writing.

    1. These are great points!

      I think the one thing I missed (maybe because I am learning it now), is be flexible. When you don’t meet your daily word count goal because of the day job or kids, pick up and keep going. Can’t let that derail you.

    1. The recorder is a great idea.

      Professional editing is awesome. Glad you can do that and found someone you trust. I’ve thought of it, but the cost and lack of finding someone in the romance genre has stopped me so far.

      The one editor that took a peek was in the thriller/ mystery genre and wanted to do things with the characters that made me cringe. I wouldn’t have wanted to read that story.

  2. Great advice. Perfection is the enemy is a great one. Trying to get it to be *too* close is what slows me down the most.

    For me, it’s not a notebook, though I use one, too, or a recorder post-it notes… all over the place… my desk, my wallet… everywhere.

    1. I keep a pad of post it’s in my purse for emergencies. But then I have to write it down somewhere more permanent or I lose them.

      1. I love the idea of a writing emergency so urgent and gripping that it can only be handled with a Post-It. I love the image of someone reaching into their bag, jotting something down, in slow motion, and sticking it to their car’s dashboard, or to the inside of the refrigerator and yelling, “NOOOOOOOO!!!” before it’s too late.

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