I Clearly Misplaced It

Looking for my motivation. Yes, I’ve clearly misplaced it, but I’m not sure where.

unnamed-2

That’s not entirely true.

We’ve had a run of nasty sicknesses in my house. From ear infections, to stomach flu, to five-day fevers, we haven’t had more than a couple weeks all year where someone in the house isn’t sick. Work has also been really busy, and my lunch hour has been usurped so that I can still make it home in time for the kids. We snuck in a mini-vacation as well.

Yet, that’s only part of it. I was super busy going into the new year, but I still found time to write. Even as we faced the holidays, which are my peak time at work, and potential unemployment and loss of benefits, I still made time to write.

But that isn’t happening now.

motivation
You and me both!

I examined my work-in-progress. Perhaps the story is weak or the characters are flat, but I don’t think that’s it. The hero has been teasing around in my thoughts for a couple of years. The heroine is newer, but I feel like she’s well flushed out. I really get her personality, her background, and her desires. The plot dancing around the romance isn’t as robust as it could be. I’ve spent some time thinking it through, and I’m closer to having all of it nailed down without pigeon-holing my characters.

Remember, the moment I write an outline, the story is dead. But I do know where it’s going. Mostly.

Yet, I still haven’t been applying bottom to chair and making the first draft words happen. Why is that?

Honestly, I’m not sure.

I did recently get a new laptop so I don’t have to be cut-off from the family while writing. Perhaps that’s my issue. I’m less inclined to isolate myself to put words on the page. Apparently, being around other humans, even small ones, steals away my ability to write.

Maybe it’s something else. Something a little deeper.

After two years and three novels, I still have nothing published. Nothing ready to publish. My plan had been to finish the book I’m currently working on and then go back and make the final(?) round of revisions to Crowned Prince before trying to get an agent for it.

Perhaps I should contemplate working on a revision for either of the other two novels I have completed instead. I just don’t want to forget how to write fresh words. It’s a skill, like any other, and must be practiced. And it’s easy for me to get sucked into editing, letting the more analytical side of me take over.

Maybe it’s something else entirely.

Not the doubt demon, not exactly, but sometimes I feel like I’m spinning my wheels.

Demon
I haven’t forgotten you.

I’ve devoted a lot of time to writing for the past two years. I even worked on Christmas, Easter and Thanksgiving. At the end of that time, I have some pixels on a screen, but little else. No agent. No book deal. Not even a manuscript that’s truly ready for an agent.

I’ve worked hard at it, and it feels like I’ve accomplished nothing.

I know me. I know making things happen motivates me. To have spent so much time on something and feel like I have nothing to show for it makes me rethink how I’m spending my time. Makes me question if I should be spending time on this.

I have to remind myself I haven’t really failed yet. I’ve barely tried. A handful of query letters a year ago barely counts as a full effort. And yet…giveup

 

Have you ever found yourself lacking motivation? What did you do to get your motivation back? Did it work?

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4 thoughts on “I Clearly Misplaced It

  1. One thing that never fails to get me motivated is anger. It doesn’t even have to be related to what I need to be writing or coding. Something pisses me off….and there I go.

    Hulk write, I guess.

  2. Never fear, you have the ability – I see it in your blogs – and desire or you wouldn’t care so much. The muse will return. Be patient.

    I am going through something like you. I retire at the end of the year. I find the muse telling me to come back next year. I wrestle it until it gets tired and sits with me for a time.

    Seriously, I just sit down and do it. I admit I am a bit bored with what I am revising. (I am not writing original material currently.) I have seen it so many times now and always find something to change. I am tempted to pull the other manuscript but I promised myself, and told others, that I would have something ready for beta readers by late summer. It helps when someone asks me if I am still on schedule. The outside pressure helps some.

    The other thing, for me, is that I have put book deals, contracts, and even epub as a long shot. I have lived most of my life and now I write to tell a story. I may get published but I may not. Pressuring myself to do so would take some of the fun out of telling my story.

    I use a laptop also. I sit in my easy chair with my wife nearby watching tv. The background noise is not tuned completely out yet the words come. I am doing something I want to do without the guilt of being away from family.

    (You might have enough blogs to make a book from a selection of them. One of Kristen’s is a selection of blog posts.)

  3. Thanks. I started trying sprints on Kristen’s site. I may be the only person there, but hey, I showed 🙂

    And maybe it will come. Sometimes I have to put Type A aside and focus on the joy of the journey.

    Thanks for the reminder.

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